Last week, four 19-year-old men admitted guilt in connection with a series of gel-pellet shootings along University Avenue in San Diego’s gay district on September 7th of last year. Their misdemeanor battery charges were elevated to felonies because police deemed the attacks “hate-crime related assaults.” And while many celebrated the news that the shooters had been brought to justice, and were willing to undergo cognitive behavior therapy and LGBTQ eduction in their effort to reform, aging homosexual Larry Curbstomp was not impressed. “Frankly, I’m shocked that the cops would call it a hate crime,” opined Curbstomp, “because if anybody knows what an anti-gay hate crime looks like, it’s cops. They used to bust into the The Rail and just start swinging — and not the good kind. Those pigs knew what hate was. And we hated them right back. This? This is just sad. Those gel pellet guns are children’s toys — you can get ‘em at Toys R Us. It’s like if a cop came at me with a nerf baton. I got hit with harder stuff at the BDSM pavilion at last year’s Folsom Street Fair! Things ain’t what they used to be, I’ll tell you that much.”
Last week, four 19-year-old men admitted guilt in connection with a series of gel-pellet shootings along University Avenue in San Diego’s gay district on September 7th of last year. Their misdemeanor battery charges were elevated to felonies because police deemed the attacks “hate-crime related assaults.” And while many celebrated the news that the shooters had been brought to justice, and were willing to undergo cognitive behavior therapy and LGBTQ eduction in their effort to reform, aging homosexual Larry Curbstomp was not impressed. “Frankly, I’m shocked that the cops would call it a hate crime,” opined Curbstomp, “because if anybody knows what an anti-gay hate crime looks like, it’s cops. They used to bust into the The Rail and just start swinging — and not the good kind. Those pigs knew what hate was. And we hated them right back. This? This is just sad. Those gel pellet guns are children’s toys — you can get ‘em at Toys R Us. It’s like if a cop came at me with a nerf baton. I got hit with harder stuff at the BDSM pavilion at last year’s Folsom Street Fair! Things ain’t what they used to be, I’ll tell you that much.”
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