King of Ads 002: Hugh Hudson puts a new face on air travel.

Welcome to this week’s second and final installment of Kings of Ads. Watch the Kings here.

KINGS OF ADS, PART 2

Hugh Hudson. British Airways: “Face” Advertisement. (0:22 - 1:49). Great Britain, 1989. How many television commercials boast “a cast of thousands”? That’s how many bodies went into forming the moveable feast of a face in this unforgettable advert. As much an art form as crop circles, only Hudson’s aerial shots for British Airways are free to move about the countryside.

Martin Scorsese. Armani for Him. (1:50 - 2:33). USA, 1986. A pinch of Visconti, a dash of Antonioni, a hint of Hitchcock, and Michael Ballhaus looking through the viewfinder. If homage translated into profits, this would be the greatest commercial ever sold!

Hugh Hudson. Fiat: Figaro (2:35 - 4:35). Great Britain, 1979. A prescient two-minute ad for cars built entirely by robots. Unless you count the drivers transporting the cars from factory to carrier trailer, there’s nary a human in sight. (According to This is Not Advertising, when Hudson and crew arrived at the Fiat Factory in Turin, they were greeted by picketers protesting automation.) Nor is a narrator’s voice relied on to tell viewers what to think. Other than a Fiat brand, the only words chyroned across the screen are, “Handbuilt by Robots.”

Ricardo Albiñana. Sanyo (4:36 - 5:05). Spain, 19?? With television reception so lifelike it fooled chimpanzees, it’ll be a cinch to bamboozle humans!

Claude Lelouch. Renault (5:06 - 6:05) France, 19??. A row of bump-skipping Renaults, as viewed through Lelouch’s patented compressed telephoto lens.

Hugh Hudson. Benson and Hedges: Salvage. (6:06 - 8:01). Great Britain, 1979. The diving bell and the monolithic cigarette pack. The least impressive (and coherent) of the six Hudson industrial adverts contained in the collection.

Jean-Luc Godard. Marithé et François Girbaud Jeans: Closed (8:02 - 8:23). France, 1987. WARNING: Remove pants before ironing!

Hugh Hudson. Fuji Film (8:24 - 9:03). France, 19?? Fujicolor Unlimited Vision: so lifelike it’s surreal.

Étienne Chatiliez. Super Timor (9:04 - 9:34). France, 1986. Hilarious spot shows how to go from clapping away household flies to keeping the beat with Super Timor aerosol bug repellent.

Maurizio Nichetti. Azzurro Super Oil (9:35 - 10:21). Italy, 1989. Francesca Dellera assumes the Jessica Rabbit role in this Who Framed Roger Rabbit?-inspired petroleum commercial.

Carlos Saura. Orangina: Le Ballet (10:22 - 11:06). Spain, 1989. The floorboard begin to rumble during this West Side Story-induced soft-drink spot.

Jean-Paul Goude. Citroën (11:07 - 13:16). France, 1980s. Citroën, the armadillo of automotives, survives a nuclear holocaust.

Just Jaeckin. Seiko (13:17 - 14:10). France, 19??. Synchronize your watches on a misty field of honor for this airborne variation on a duel at dawn.

Häkan Sjödin. Nokia (14:11 - 14:26). For a phone so tough, your shoes stand up to a dog’s lifted leg in a rainstorm.

Gerard Jugnot. Vittelloise (14:27 - 14:56). France, 1980s. Something’s bound to be lost in the translation of this non-subtitled commercial for bottled water.

Eric de la Hosseraye. Studio Magazine (14:57 - 16:23). France, 1990s. The hieroglyphic history of cinema summed up in this entombed NSFW ad for a film magazine.

Jean-Jacques Annaud. Hertz (16:24 - 17:19). France, 1980s. Let Hertz put you in the driver’s seat before the vultures begin circling.

Hugh Hudson. Britain’s Railway (17:20 - 18:50). Great Britain, 1988. A love letter to riding the rails. Damn if this didn’t make me want to hop a Coaster to Los Angeles!

Franco Zeffirelli cursed the Jews at Universal Studios for backing Scorsese’s The Last Temptation of Christ. Whatever it is he’s selling, I’m not buying. Next…

Jean Pierre Jeunet. Sécurité Routière: Knowing How to Drive is Knowing How To Live (19:39 - 20:09). France, 1980s. Bank as if your life depended on it! A typical wild-eyed, wide-angled romp from the man who brought you Delicatessen.

Theo Delaney. Jiffi Condoms (20:10 - 20:40). The commercial as subversive art. Imagine if the parents of Margaret Thatcher, Manuel Noriega, and Nicolai Ceceascu had used Jiffi condoms. Theo Delaney did!

Fritz Tschirren. Samurai Toothpicks (20:41 - 21:12). Italy, 1990s. It’s best to pack a toothpick in the event that sex and dinner become one and the same.

Alain Franchet. Manpower (21:13 - 22:13) France, 1990s. Muscled construction workers, some clad in nothing but tinfoil shorts, find the missing link to fragrance.

Jean-Jacques Annaud. Kelton Watches (22:13 - 22:45). France, 1990s. Can a wristwatch stand up against a two-ton locomotive? Of course not!

Hugh Hudson. Benson and Hedges (22:46 - 24:12). You won’t know it’s a cigarette commercial until seconds before it ends, and by that time your coat and shoes are on as you head to the local convenience store for a pack of butts. All this and a view of Monument Valley that even John Ford didn’t envision.

William Klein. Citroën (24:13 - 25:12). France, 1968. The renowned photographer finds the rhythm of the road in this nocturnal drive through the Parisian countryside.

Walter Lantz. Coca-Cola: Le Vaillant Tailleur (25:13 - 27:05). France, 1948. An animated variation on Jack and the Giant Killer with the town tailor celebrating his defeat of the colossus with an ice cold Coke!

Peter Wester. Samarin (27:06 - 27:39). Great Britain, 1980s. A reminder to take an antacid before entering a crowded elevator.

Roman Polanski. 1664 de Kronenbourg: Le Compositeur (27:39 - 28:39). France, 1980s.

Johan Skog. Freshmint (28:40 - 29:00). Norway(?), 19??. Breath mints for those oh-so kissable farewells to the troops.

Just Jaeckin. Pacific (29:01 - 29:30). France, 19?? Alcohol-free aniseed drink to put one in the mood. The mood for what is anybody’s guess.

Jean-Jacques Beineix. Crème de Peinture du Valentin (29:31 - 30:03). France, 1980s. It’s best to ignore the giant black leopard in the room when trying to paint a living room.

Ridley Scott. Pepsi (30:04 - 31:00). USA, 1984. Aliens take the cola test in this Close Encounters rip-off from the man who one year earlier brought us Blade Runner.

David Bailey. Gauloises Blondes Allumettes (31:05 - 31:50). France, 1980s. A bevy of beautiful bedouins bathed in Gauloises blue comb the desert in search of a smoke. Dumb beyond belief.

Gerard Jugnot. Vittelloise (31:50 - 31:58). France, 1980s. Another spot for bottled water, this one running eight seconds.

Werner Hlinka. Audi Quattro (31:59 - 32:57). Germany, 1980s. The car to buy if you’re thinking of driving up an Olympic ski jump.

Federico Fellini. Campari (33:20 - 34:20). Italy, 1984. While trying to tune out her preening train compartment companion, the beautiful blonde points her remote control out the window to change the scenery. One the Pavarotti-esque traveler gets his hands on the remote, he has something more than romance on the brain. This boy has in mind a bottle of apéritif.

Richard Sloggett. Söta Naturligt (34:20 - 34:49). Sweden, 19??. Dog friendly natural sweetener.

Giuseppe Tornatore. IP Con Italia (34:50 - 35:50). Italy, 199?. Better living through televised soccer.

Patrice Leconte. Humex Fournier (35:51 - 36:20). France, 1999. Don’t let a lack of decongestants throw you to the wolves.

Bernard Lemoine. Perrier (36:21 - 37:19). France, 1976. The Perrier bottle gets a happy ending. Rated R.

Lâm Le. Spa Water (37:20 - 39:20) Belgium, 19??. Lying around naked and drinking mineral water has never been this seductive. It’s such a work of cinema there’s even credits!

Lester Bookbinder. 1664 (39:21 - 40:20). France, 199?. What goes into 1664? Beer!

Andrei Konchalovsky. Lamborghini - Hürlimann (40:21 - 41:20). Russia, 199?. Tractors go to war?

Michel Israel. Durex (41:21 - 41:51). Holland, 198?. If you’re going to schtup like a bunny, wear Durex Brand Condoms.

Hugh Hudson. Guinness (41:52 - 43:31). Great Britain, 1987. Grab a beer and keep an open mind with Rutger Hauer.

David Lynch. YSL (43:32 - 44:30). France, 1992. Opium? As if David Lynch weren’t narcotic enough.

Jaime de la Pena. Invicta (44:31 - 46:26). Italy, 1992. A commercial for wristwatches, but you couldn’t prove it to me.

Jean-Jacques Annaud. Ford Escort: The Trade (46:27 - 46:57). France, 1987. Prison swap results in a run for the border in a Ford Escort.

Julian Cottrell. Benson & Hedges: Silk Cut Cigarettes (46:58 - 47:59). If cigarette smoke does that to silk, imagine what it will do to your lungs.

Hugh Hudson. Colt 45 Malt Liquor (47:48 - 48:42) Great Britain, 1979. Sing and dance your way to cirrhosis of the liver.

Jean-Marie Perier. Drug PSA (48:83 - 49:45) France, 198?. In America, we “Just say no,” but in France, “drugs are shit.”

Luigi Comencini. Banca del Friuli (49:46 - 50:17). Italy, 198?. Children hunt for missing pieces of a bank logo.

Jean-Paul Goude. Citroen Nouvelle CX2: Beauté sauvage (50:18 - 51:03). Featuring the world’s only Grace Jones carport!

Roman Polanski. Vanity Fair (51:04 - 51:33). France, 1993. Child rapist stalks wife Emmanuelle Seigner in this advertisement for Vanity Fair magazine.

Martin Lobo. Fuyi (51:34 - 52:04). Buenos Aires, 198?. Lunch in a foxhole. If only Fuyi repelled enemy fire like mosquitos.

Jean-Jacques Beineix. Stefanel (52:05 - 52:33). Italy, 1987. Clothing that’s on him.

Gerard Jugnot. Lucky Strike Cigarettes. (52:34 - 53:25) France, 198?. Profanity-laced recruitment film for soldiers, short guys, and potential smokers.

Jean-Paul Goude. Orangina (53:25 - 54:08). France, 1989?. Twisting’ by the pool with a little help from a lively crew of resort workers.

Just Jaeckin. Jeans Buffalo. (54:09 - 54:25). France, 198?. Sensual blue jean shadowplay from the man who brought you The Story of O.

Dario Argento. Fiat Croma (54:26 - 55:05). Italy, 1987. Considering the source, one half-expected a heroine behind the wheel to die in a bloody, painfully stylish manner.

David Davinson. League for the Emancipation of the Handicapped. (55:06 - 55:57). Italy, 1980s. A man in a wheelchair who witnessed a car crash can’t access a phone booth. Dated, but you get the point.

Hugh Hudson. Coty: A Little French Lesson (55;58 - 56:42). France, 1980s. A lesson in “C” blocking from L’Aimant for Her.

Roman Polanski. Marie Claire Magazine (56:43 - 57:32). France, 1990s. Imagine a husband sleeping in while his adult wife leaves work.

Pascal Thomas. Kleenex (57:33 - 57:43). France, 1980s. Something tells me it’s going to take more than a facial tissue to clean up this mess.

Claude Chabrol. Winston (57:44 - 58:46). France, 1980s. Chabrol and Jerry Lacy on the disadvantages of Bogarting a cigarette.

No Director Credited. Bic Razors (58:47 - 59:30). We won’t write with your razor, please don’t shave with a pen. Besides, nobody wants to take the rap for plugging the instant bloodstorm that is Bic Razors.

J. Taylor. Whitworths Dried Fruits. (59:31 - 1:00:32) Great Britain, 1980s. Stop-motion combines with live-action animation to sell dried apricots in a manner never thought possible.

Helmut Newton. Lampo Zippers: Nela Fantasies (1:00:33 - 1:01:20). Easy off bondage accoutrement courtesy of Helmut Newton and Lampo Zippers.

Atsuta. Le Sucre (1:01:21 - 1:02:20). France, 1980s. Animated sugar cubes drop like dominos in this imaginative realized advert.

Nikita Mikhalkov. Barilla: Mosca: A Testimonial (1:02:21 - 1:04:48). Italy, 1989. A tribute to semolina from the director of Close to Eden and Burnt by the Sun. The opening credits to this 2 ½ advert last longer than most commercials. “Nikita! Nikita!” the babushka yells out her window to the street below. As the narrator points out, “Today is Wednesday and as every family in Moscow will tell you, Wednesday is Barilla spaghetti day.”

Jean-Jacques Beineix. Fujicolor (1:04:49 - 1:05:32). France, 1990s. Textbook example how not to save the best for last.