I live, but not in myself,
and I have such hope
that I die because I do not die.
and I cannot live without God,
for having neither him nor myself
what will life be?
It will be a thousand deaths,
longing for my true life
and dying because I do not die.
is no life at all,
and so I die continually
until I live with you;
hear me, my God:
I do not desire this life,
I am dying because I do not die.
what life can I have
except to endure
the bitterest death known?
I pity myself,
for I go on and on living,
dying because I do not die.
has this relief:
the dying it endures
ends at last in death.
What death can equal my pitiable life?
For the longer I live, the more drawn out is my dying.
seeing you in the Sacrament,
I find this greater sorrow:
I cannot enjoy you wholly.
All things are affliction
since I do not see you as I desire,
and I die because I do not die.
in the hope of seeing you,
yet seeing I can lose you
doubles my sorrow.
Living in such fear
and hoping as I hope,
I die because I do not die.
my God, and give me life;
do not hold me bound
with these bonds so strong;
see how I long to see you;
my wretchedness is so complete
that I die because I do not die.
and mourn my living
while I am held here
for my sins.
O my God, when will it be
that I can truly say:
now I live because I do not die?
St. John of the Cross (Juan de Yepes y Álvarez) (1542-1591) was a Spanish poet and Catholic mystic and priest. A member of the Carmelite order and one of the 36 Doctors of the Church, he is commonly referred to as the “Mystical Doctor” because of his profound writings on Christian mysticism. Besides his poems, St. John was also well known for his correspondence with fellow Carmelite St. Teresa of Avila. His poetry is considered the high point of mystical Spanish literature and he is considered one of the masters of Spanish poetry.
I live, but not in myself,
and I have such hope
that I die because I do not die.
and I cannot live without God,
for having neither him nor myself
what will life be?
It will be a thousand deaths,
longing for my true life
and dying because I do not die.
is no life at all,
and so I die continually
until I live with you;
hear me, my God:
I do not desire this life,
I am dying because I do not die.
what life can I have
except to endure
the bitterest death known?
I pity myself,
for I go on and on living,
dying because I do not die.
has this relief:
the dying it endures
ends at last in death.
What death can equal my pitiable life?
For the longer I live, the more drawn out is my dying.
seeing you in the Sacrament,
I find this greater sorrow:
I cannot enjoy you wholly.
All things are affliction
since I do not see you as I desire,
and I die because I do not die.
in the hope of seeing you,
yet seeing I can lose you
doubles my sorrow.
Living in such fear
and hoping as I hope,
I die because I do not die.
my God, and give me life;
do not hold me bound
with these bonds so strong;
see how I long to see you;
my wretchedness is so complete
that I die because I do not die.
and mourn my living
while I am held here
for my sins.
O my God, when will it be
that I can truly say:
now I live because I do not die?
St. John of the Cross (Juan de Yepes y Álvarez) (1542-1591) was a Spanish poet and Catholic mystic and priest. A member of the Carmelite order and one of the 36 Doctors of the Church, he is commonly referred to as the “Mystical Doctor” because of his profound writings on Christian mysticism. Besides his poems, St. John was also well known for his correspondence with fellow Carmelite St. Teresa of Avila. His poetry is considered the high point of mystical Spanish literature and he is considered one of the masters of Spanish poetry.
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