Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

Everything will be fine at Coachella

When everybody is looking at you like you’re Steve Urkel walking through a doorway without knocking

Coachella: a long way from Disneyland.
Coachella: a long way from Disneyland.

Dear Hipster:

For many years, faithful readers have come to you for help in identifying hipsters and their hipster behaviors. But nothing lasts forever, and even the coolest hipster may one day wake up, look in the mirror, and hardly recognize the face of the total square staring back at him. How does one go from hipster to has-been? Is this a one-way journey, or can a washed-up hipster regain his former glory? Perhaps most importantly, how does one recognize The Signs that indicate one has passed from hipness to lameness?

Sponsored
Sponsored

— Grandpa Steve “Don’t Call Me Grandpa” McNab, Crown Point

Imagine this nightmare scenario: you’re out with friends at a trendy restaurant, which turns out to be pretty good, but your friends all agree the menu has too many caper berries on it, and caper berries are so last year. The problem is you didn’t even know caper berries were a thing, and what’s more, you were loving the caper berries. Later, the talk around the table turns to Goldenvoice requiring proof of coronavirus vaccination for all concertgoers, which won’t be a problem for your friends attending Coachella, but is almost certainly going to ruffle some American-flag printed jorts at Stagecoach next year. As long as they don’t cut back on car camping, your friends all agree, everything will be fine at Coachella. “It doesn’t make any difference one way or the other for me,” you interject. “I’ll be at a digital marketing convention that week, then I’m taking the kids to Disneyland.”

One of your friends slowly lowers his third beer of the night down to the table. He notices you are still on your first, which you have barely nursed beyond the halfway point. He regards you across the table with what can only be described as suspicion, as if you had just announced an intention to vote for Caitlyn Jenner in the recall election because of her thoughtful, detailed, comprehensive policy platforms.

“Dude…” he says, trailing off as if his ability to include you in conversation has faded in tandem with the frostiness and effervescence of your neglected beer.

Every hipster with an ounce of self-awareness fears this day. The day when you realize, in the midst of some random conversation, that you are no longer up on things, and perhaps you haven’t been for a long time. You didn’t realize it until just now. In fact, before you started this disastrous conversation, you would have described yourself as hip, perhaps even with it; but in this moment when everybody is looking at you like you’re Steve Urkel walking through a doorway without knocking, you realize that, if you have to describe yourself as hip and with it, you’re in the same boat as Dr. Evil trying to reconnect with his estranged son.

You wish to learn how to recognize The Signs of fading hipness? Wouldn’t it be nice if we could all be aware of having lost our edge before stepping into some terrifying moments of doubt and shame. But the great irony of losing your edge is you’ll never know you’ve lost it until it’s too late. But you’ll know when it’s happened, and you’ll wonder, briefly, why you didn’t see it coming. The silver lining is that you won’t care all that much. You’ll be too busy worrying about whether you forgot to pick up the dry cleaning.

The latest copy of the Reader

Please enjoy this clickable Reader flipbook. Linked text and ads are flash-highlighted in blue for your convenience. To enhance your viewing, please open full screen mode by clicking the icon on the far right of the black flipbook toolbar.

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Crystal Pier can take the hits

Unlike Ocean Beach, it will probably avoid the wrecking ball
Next Article

Gonzo Report: Gentrification is scarier than Bandhaunt

But Queen Bee’s show still spooks North Park
Coachella: a long way from Disneyland.
Coachella: a long way from Disneyland.

Dear Hipster:

For many years, faithful readers have come to you for help in identifying hipsters and their hipster behaviors. But nothing lasts forever, and even the coolest hipster may one day wake up, look in the mirror, and hardly recognize the face of the total square staring back at him. How does one go from hipster to has-been? Is this a one-way journey, or can a washed-up hipster regain his former glory? Perhaps most importantly, how does one recognize The Signs that indicate one has passed from hipness to lameness?

Sponsored
Sponsored

— Grandpa Steve “Don’t Call Me Grandpa” McNab, Crown Point

Imagine this nightmare scenario: you’re out with friends at a trendy restaurant, which turns out to be pretty good, but your friends all agree the menu has too many caper berries on it, and caper berries are so last year. The problem is you didn’t even know caper berries were a thing, and what’s more, you were loving the caper berries. Later, the talk around the table turns to Goldenvoice requiring proof of coronavirus vaccination for all concertgoers, which won’t be a problem for your friends attending Coachella, but is almost certainly going to ruffle some American-flag printed jorts at Stagecoach next year. As long as they don’t cut back on car camping, your friends all agree, everything will be fine at Coachella. “It doesn’t make any difference one way or the other for me,” you interject. “I’ll be at a digital marketing convention that week, then I’m taking the kids to Disneyland.”

One of your friends slowly lowers his third beer of the night down to the table. He notices you are still on your first, which you have barely nursed beyond the halfway point. He regards you across the table with what can only be described as suspicion, as if you had just announced an intention to vote for Caitlyn Jenner in the recall election because of her thoughtful, detailed, comprehensive policy platforms.

“Dude…” he says, trailing off as if his ability to include you in conversation has faded in tandem with the frostiness and effervescence of your neglected beer.

Every hipster with an ounce of self-awareness fears this day. The day when you realize, in the midst of some random conversation, that you are no longer up on things, and perhaps you haven’t been for a long time. You didn’t realize it until just now. In fact, before you started this disastrous conversation, you would have described yourself as hip, perhaps even with it; but in this moment when everybody is looking at you like you’re Steve Urkel walking through a doorway without knocking, you realize that, if you have to describe yourself as hip and with it, you’re in the same boat as Dr. Evil trying to reconnect with his estranged son.

You wish to learn how to recognize The Signs of fading hipness? Wouldn’t it be nice if we could all be aware of having lost our edge before stepping into some terrifying moments of doubt and shame. But the great irony of losing your edge is you’ll never know you’ve lost it until it’s too late. But you’ll know when it’s happened, and you’ll wonder, briefly, why you didn’t see it coming. The silver lining is that you won’t care all that much. You’ll be too busy worrying about whether you forgot to pick up the dry cleaning.

Comments
Sponsored

The latest copy of the Reader

Please enjoy this clickable Reader flipbook. Linked text and ads are flash-highlighted in blue for your convenience. To enhance your viewing, please open full screen mode by clicking the icon on the far right of the black flipbook toolbar.

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Crystal Pier can take the hits

Unlike Ocean Beach, it will probably avoid the wrecking ball
Next Article

Santa Ana winds can bring warmer temperatures to the coast, Beaver moon rises on Friday

High cirrus clouds can lead to pretty sunsets
Comments
Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories Fishing Report — What’s getting hooked from ship and shore From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town The Gonzo Report — Making the musical scene, or at least reporting from it Letters — Our inbox Movies@Home — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Theater — On stage in San Diego this week Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close

Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

This Week’s Reader This Week’s Reader