“Worst. Policy. Ever.” proclaimed Comic-Book Guy at the protest against Cathedral Catholic’s skirt ban, held outside the school’s entrance on Del Mar Heights Road. “The plaid skirt of a Catholic school girl is an icon of flirtatious innocence, coupling as it does the generous exposure of toned, nubile flesh with the presumption of a pious virgin’s sexual purity. It is, frankly, the closest that organized religion has ever come to immanentizing the eschaton. To replace its pleated plaid glory with khaki shorts would be akin to covering the facade of Florence’s Duomo with vinyl siding — a triumph of aesthetic barbarity in the name of a misguided protective urge.”

Until May 17, girls at Cathedral Catholic high school were permitted to wear skirts that stopped no more than three inches above the knee and didn’t “cling to contours.” But faculty frustration with repeated violations of the policy led administration to issue a blanket ban on skirts, short or otherwise. Students are of course outraged at the decision, which they feel violates their freedom of both expression and legginess. But the move has drawn criticism from numerous other parties, notable among them the Society of Anime Illustrators, Spirit Halloween Supplies Inc., the Lonely Men’s Guild, and Amalgamated Plaid. Even some Catholic clergy have been moved to join in the protest, at least in spirit. “In this age of rampant gender confusion,” said Father Sebastian Sashay, pastor at Our Lady of Good Intentions in Del Mar, “I’m a bit surprised to see a Catholic school acting to prevent young women from donning traditionally feminine garb. It sends a confusing message. The other day, I was noticing a student walking by in a pair of khaki shorts, and when approached to engage him in...conversation, it turned out he was a she. As I said, confusing.”