Dear Hipster: Who would win in a fight, Rick Sanchez or Scrooge McDuck? — Allen
Some questions just can’t be answered, Allen. You might as well ask:
Why is Germany the only country where the McRib is a permanent menu item at McDonald’s? How does Dave Matthews obtain such commercial success when I have never met a real life Dave Matthews fan? If my dog’s sense of smell is as fantastic as it is cracked up to be, why does he need to put his nose right up against another dog’s butt to sniff it? Who looked at a beehive and thought, Those bastards are hiding something delicious in there, I just know it? Why do I turn down the volume on the car radio whenever I’m looking for a parking spot?
What is love? (Baby, don’t hurt me.)
Do cats consider us their captors? Why are kittens so adorable but baby birds so absolutely terrifying? If your favorite obscure band becomes popular, were you into them before they were cool or are you over them now that they’re mainstream? In cartoons, why are some characters anthropomorphic animals but others are just regular animals? Is Goofy the result of some mad scientist’s sadistic experiment on a dog?
You see, Allen, some questions shouldn’t be answered because, even if you could get the answers, they might haunt your dreams or overwhelm the all-too-fragile human mind.
Dear Hipster: Who would win in a fight, Rick Sanchez or Scrooge McDuck? — Allen
Some questions just can’t be answered, Allen. You might as well ask:
Why is Germany the only country where the McRib is a permanent menu item at McDonald’s? How does Dave Matthews obtain such commercial success when I have never met a real life Dave Matthews fan? If my dog’s sense of smell is as fantastic as it is cracked up to be, why does he need to put his nose right up against another dog’s butt to sniff it? Who looked at a beehive and thought, Those bastards are hiding something delicious in there, I just know it? Why do I turn down the volume on the car radio whenever I’m looking for a parking spot?
What is love? (Baby, don’t hurt me.)
Do cats consider us their captors? Why are kittens so adorable but baby birds so absolutely terrifying? If your favorite obscure band becomes popular, were you into them before they were cool or are you over them now that they’re mainstream? In cartoons, why are some characters anthropomorphic animals but others are just regular animals? Is Goofy the result of some mad scientist’s sadistic experiment on a dog?
You see, Allen, some questions shouldn’t be answered because, even if you could get the answers, they might haunt your dreams or overwhelm the all-too-fragile human mind.
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