Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

Chargers get creative in rehab

Cutting-edge medicine employed to placate restless crowds who say they’re fed up with losing

Keen Allen runs a rehabilitative pattern at Regenexx’s Oceanside campus under the watchful eye of trainer Dr. Isaac Moreau. Though the "weeping knee" keeps squealing in protest, Moreau is extremely encouraged by Allen’s progress.
Keen Allen runs a rehabilitative pattern at Regenexx’s Oceanside campus under the watchful eye of trainer Dr. Isaac Moreau. Though the "weeping knee" keeps squealing in protest, Moreau is extremely encouraged by Allen’s progress.

Charger trainer Dr. Isaac Moreau has been a busy man this season — busier than he’d like to be. Game after game has produced injury after injury, some of them season-ending. But he’s not just sitting back and letting nature take its course. Instead, he’s seeking out bold new methods of treatment, right here in our back yard.

"We already knew of two former NFL quarterbacks — the 49ers’ John Brodie and the Packers' Bart Starr — who reported significant physical improvements following stem cell treatments in Tijuana,” explains Moreau. "And we have a company right here in San Diego County, Regenexx, that specializes in using stem cells in the treatment of orthopedic conditions. According to Regenexx, those little buggers can work miracles under the right conditions. The Chargers are big believers in the team’s involvement with local businesses, so we got in touch immediately following Keenan Allen’s crushing injury. They had him in therapy before the end of the day, and by the end of the week, he was walking without pain.

Sponsored
Sponsored
A closer view of the "weeping knee."

Unfortunately, the world of stem-cell therapy is still pretty much uncharted territory, and there’s a pioneering, experimental character to the whole enterprise. You can’t always predict what’s going to happen when you inject cells from a human embryo into another human person. In this case, we’ve seen the development of what doctors are calling a "weeping knee." Actually, it’s more "crying and screaming" than "weeping." And in the past few days, it’s started getting pretty demanding, always saying that it’s tired and wants a juice break and a cookie. But Keenan has kept a wonderful attitude through it all, and we have high hopes for next season in Los Angeles. I’m sorry: next season, full stop."

Woodhead on his new rhino-leg.

“When Danny [Woodhead] pulled up lame,” continues Moreau, "we knew we wanted to avoid the problems we’d run into with Keenan. So we decided to avoid embryonic human stem cells altogether. Especially since there is significant research out there into the possibility of using animal tissue in this kind of therapy. San Francisco’s Stone Clinic has already had some success in replacing damaged ligaments with scaffolding made from genetically modified pig ligament. But of course, we didn’t want a pig. We wanted something a little more powerful. Something that could punch through the line the way Woodhead has always done. Hell, better than he’s always done. The injury rate this year makes it pretty clear that human bodies aren’t built to withstand the punishment of modern professional football. So maybe it’s time to stop relying on purely human bodies. And when you think of charging, what do you think of? That’s right, a rhino. And with rhino embryos, you don’t run into the same kind of ethical concerns as you do with human embryos. Sure, a few people gripe about how rhinos are endangered, but then, so are our playoff chances. Danny is now a figurative and a literal Charger, and he couldn’t be happier."

Manti “Mantis” Teo attempts to cut left and pursue the ball while Moreau looks on.

"For Manti Te’o and his damaged Achilles tendon,” concludes Moreau, "we decided to get really creative, to the point of letting his name inspire our therapeutic decisions. It’s a pretty short step from ‘Manti Te’o’ to ‘Mantis Te’o,’ don’t you think? But of course, it wasn’t just some cutesy word-play that guided our medical decisions. A mantis’s forelegs are insanely quick, which is a pretty key trait for a linebacker, who must weave his way through multiple blockers in order to get to the guy with the ball. And they’re proportionally superstrong: Manti could probably just jump over the opponent’s offensive line at this point. Heck, maybe he will. As soon as he gets walking and running down pat, anyway."

The latest copy of the Reader

Please enjoy this clickable Reader flipbook. Linked text and ads are flash-highlighted in blue for your convenience. To enhance your viewing, please open full screen mode by clicking the icon on the far right of the black flipbook toolbar.

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Poway’s schools, faced with money squeeze, fined for voter mailing

$105 million bond required payback of nearly 10 times that amount
Keen Allen runs a rehabilitative pattern at Regenexx’s Oceanside campus under the watchful eye of trainer Dr. Isaac Moreau. Though the "weeping knee" keeps squealing in protest, Moreau is extremely encouraged by Allen’s progress.
Keen Allen runs a rehabilitative pattern at Regenexx’s Oceanside campus under the watchful eye of trainer Dr. Isaac Moreau. Though the "weeping knee" keeps squealing in protest, Moreau is extremely encouraged by Allen’s progress.

Charger trainer Dr. Isaac Moreau has been a busy man this season — busier than he’d like to be. Game after game has produced injury after injury, some of them season-ending. But he’s not just sitting back and letting nature take its course. Instead, he’s seeking out bold new methods of treatment, right here in our back yard.

"We already knew of two former NFL quarterbacks — the 49ers’ John Brodie and the Packers' Bart Starr — who reported significant physical improvements following stem cell treatments in Tijuana,” explains Moreau. "And we have a company right here in San Diego County, Regenexx, that specializes in using stem cells in the treatment of orthopedic conditions. According to Regenexx, those little buggers can work miracles under the right conditions. The Chargers are big believers in the team’s involvement with local businesses, so we got in touch immediately following Keenan Allen’s crushing injury. They had him in therapy before the end of the day, and by the end of the week, he was walking without pain.

Sponsored
Sponsored
A closer view of the "weeping knee."

Unfortunately, the world of stem-cell therapy is still pretty much uncharted territory, and there’s a pioneering, experimental character to the whole enterprise. You can’t always predict what’s going to happen when you inject cells from a human embryo into another human person. In this case, we’ve seen the development of what doctors are calling a "weeping knee." Actually, it’s more "crying and screaming" than "weeping." And in the past few days, it’s started getting pretty demanding, always saying that it’s tired and wants a juice break and a cookie. But Keenan has kept a wonderful attitude through it all, and we have high hopes for next season in Los Angeles. I’m sorry: next season, full stop."

Woodhead on his new rhino-leg.

“When Danny [Woodhead] pulled up lame,” continues Moreau, "we knew we wanted to avoid the problems we’d run into with Keenan. So we decided to avoid embryonic human stem cells altogether. Especially since there is significant research out there into the possibility of using animal tissue in this kind of therapy. San Francisco’s Stone Clinic has already had some success in replacing damaged ligaments with scaffolding made from genetically modified pig ligament. But of course, we didn’t want a pig. We wanted something a little more powerful. Something that could punch through the line the way Woodhead has always done. Hell, better than he’s always done. The injury rate this year makes it pretty clear that human bodies aren’t built to withstand the punishment of modern professional football. So maybe it’s time to stop relying on purely human bodies. And when you think of charging, what do you think of? That’s right, a rhino. And with rhino embryos, you don’t run into the same kind of ethical concerns as you do with human embryos. Sure, a few people gripe about how rhinos are endangered, but then, so are our playoff chances. Danny is now a figurative and a literal Charger, and he couldn’t be happier."

Manti “Mantis” Teo attempts to cut left and pursue the ball while Moreau looks on.

"For Manti Te’o and his damaged Achilles tendon,” concludes Moreau, "we decided to get really creative, to the point of letting his name inspire our therapeutic decisions. It’s a pretty short step from ‘Manti Te’o’ to ‘Mantis Te’o,’ don’t you think? But of course, it wasn’t just some cutesy word-play that guided our medical decisions. A mantis’s forelegs are insanely quick, which is a pretty key trait for a linebacker, who must weave his way through multiple blockers in order to get to the guy with the ball. And they’re proportionally superstrong: Manti could probably just jump over the opponent’s offensive line at this point. Heck, maybe he will. As soon as he gets walking and running down pat, anyway."

Comments
Sponsored

The latest copy of the Reader

Please enjoy this clickable Reader flipbook. Linked text and ads are flash-highlighted in blue for your convenience. To enhance your viewing, please open full screen mode by clicking the icon on the far right of the black flipbook toolbar.

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Gonzo Report: Downtown thrift shop offers three bands in one show

Come nightfall, Humble Heart hosts The Beat
Next Article

Now what can they do with Encinitas unstable cliffs?

Make the cliffs fall, put up more warnings, fine beachgoers?
Comments
Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories Fishing Report — What’s getting hooked from ship and shore From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town The Gonzo Report — Making the musical scene, or at least reporting from it Letters — Our inbox Movies@Home — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Theater — On stage in San Diego this week Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close

Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

This Week’s Reader This Week’s Reader