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SeaWorld releases images of planned interactive exhibit as it prepares to phase out orca shows
Under the sea!
"Based on my examination of this image, it appears that Ocean Explorers will be placed in an unsealed submarine that is nevertheless submerged underwater. As they begin to drown, passengers will begin to go mad with terror. The madness will hopefully give them the power required to summon the largest and vilest of the Great Old Ones."
In a move that seemed to contradict the tenets of both business and common sense, SeaWorld Entertainment recently promoted San Diego SeaWorld President John Reilly to oversee all of the company’s theme parks. “John has taken SeaWorld San Diego straight into the toilet during his six-year tenure as President,” said SeaWorld Entertainment CEO Joel Manby. “Attendance is down drastically, the response to [the critical documentary] Blackfish was pathetic, he’s feuding with the Coastal Commission just when we need them to approve our plans for a themed resort, and now he’s easing out the single most iconic theme park mascot after Mickey Mouse. That’s right, we’re getting rid of orca shows. See ya, Shamu! So, of course we’re moving him up the corporate ladder. We can’t wait to see what he’ll do next!”
Happily, Manby won’t have to wait long. SeaWorld San Diego recently announced Reilly’s parting gift: an immersive attraction called Ocean Explorer. "The opportunity to see and learn about some of the ocean's most fascinating creatures, coupled with a mix of distinctive rides and activities, will give our visitors a meaningful experience only SeaWorld can create," he said.
Just what he meant by that was not initially clear, but the park did provide several artist renderings of the planned attraction. Acting on a worrisome hunch, SD on the QT presented those renderings to UCSD Professor of Lovecraftian Lore Jeremiah Clam, an expert in the disturbing stories of American horror writer H.P. Lovecraft. What follows is Clam’s assessment of Reilly’s inhuman intentions.
[Note: all photos are presented exactly as SeaWorld released them.]
"All in all, an immensely exciting preview of things to come. I guess we all knew SeaWorld was evil, what with its tendency to abuse orcas and subject its employees to life-threatening situations in the name of entertainment. Plus, have you seen what they charge for parking and snacks? But this makes it clear that Shamu was only the beginning. Shamu. Shamu. Shamu-nyth Cthulhu hupadgh ebumna, nog lw’nafh n'gha…"
Here's something you might be interested in.
SeaWorld releases images of planned interactive exhibit as it prepares to phase out orca shows
Under the sea!
SeaWorld releases images of planned interactive exhibit as it prepares to phase out orca shows
Under the sea!
"Based on my examination of this image, it appears that Ocean Explorers will be placed in an unsealed submarine that is nevertheless submerged underwater. As they begin to drown, passengers will begin to go mad with terror. The madness will hopefully give them the power required to summon the largest and vilest of the Great Old Ones."
In a move that seemed to contradict the tenets of both business and common sense, SeaWorld Entertainment recently promoted San Diego SeaWorld President John Reilly to oversee all of the company’s theme parks. “John has taken SeaWorld San Diego straight into the toilet during his six-year tenure as President,” said SeaWorld Entertainment CEO Joel Manby. “Attendance is down drastically, the response to [the critical documentary] Blackfish was pathetic, he’s feuding with the Coastal Commission just when we need them to approve our plans for a themed resort, and now he’s easing out the single most iconic theme park mascot after Mickey Mouse. That’s right, we’re getting rid of orca shows. See ya, Shamu! So, of course we’re moving him up the corporate ladder. We can’t wait to see what he’ll do next!”
Happily, Manby won’t have to wait long. SeaWorld San Diego recently announced Reilly’s parting gift: an immersive attraction called Ocean Explorer. "The opportunity to see and learn about some of the ocean's most fascinating creatures, coupled with a mix of distinctive rides and activities, will give our visitors a meaningful experience only SeaWorld can create," he said.
Just what he meant by that was not initially clear, but the park did provide several artist renderings of the planned attraction. Acting on a worrisome hunch, SD on the QT presented those renderings to UCSD Professor of Lovecraftian Lore Jeremiah Clam, an expert in the disturbing stories of American horror writer H.P. Lovecraft. What follows is Clam’s assessment of Reilly’s inhuman intentions.
[Note: all photos are presented exactly as SeaWorld released them.]
"All in all, an immensely exciting preview of things to come. I guess we all knew SeaWorld was evil, what with its tendency to abuse orcas and subject its employees to life-threatening situations in the name of entertainment. Plus, have you seen what they charge for parking and snacks? But this makes it clear that Shamu was only the beginning. Shamu. Shamu. Shamu-nyth Cthulhu hupadgh ebumna, nog lw’nafh n'gha…"
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