Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

Who is the hipster bandit?

An authentic, hand-crafted criminal secret identity

Hipster? Bank robber? Or both?
Hipster? Bank robber? Or both?

Dear Hipster:

I have deduced your secret identity. I’ll bet you thought you could hide behind your column inches, but you can fool us no longer. You’re the hipster bandit! It was a good ruse for a while, distracting the general public with your anti-mainstream shenanigans, but the jig is up, DJ. However, being a fair man, I’ll make you a deal. If you come quietly, I’ll share some of the reward money with you when your sentence is up.

Sponsored
Sponsored

— Bill J., North County

Scandalous! What kind of a world are we living in where any bank robber with a set of dark shades can pass for a hipster? I ask you, does the hipster bandit demand to be paid in non-mainstream denominations (e.g., two-dollar bills and Susan B. Anthony coins)? Does he pass his demands to the teller hand-calligraphed with sustainable ink on recycled paper? Does he maintain an Instagram account where spherical burlap loot bags — each one tied with twine and bearing a double-slashed dollar sign worthy of Scrooge McDuck — pose nobly before sweeping mountain vistas and placid streams #nofilter?

I think not.

My biggest crimes involved torrenting music that you’ve probably never heard of, and that one time I gave my little cousin Marlo a sip or three of an Alpine Nelson at a family cookout (which, by the way, she said tasted like the fruit salad her mom accidentally left in the car during a trip to Disneyland... I think we have a beer sommelier in the family).

On the off chance that they catch the guy before this goes to print, let the record show that I was into my own innocence way before it was cool.

The latest copy of the Reader

Please enjoy this clickable Reader flipbook. Linked text and ads are flash-highlighted in blue for your convenience. To enhance your viewing, please open full screen mode by clicking the icon on the far right of the black flipbook toolbar.

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

San Diego Dim Sum Tour, Warwick’s Holiday Open House

Events November 24-November 27, 2024
Hipster? Bank robber? Or both?
Hipster? Bank robber? Or both?

Dear Hipster:

I have deduced your secret identity. I’ll bet you thought you could hide behind your column inches, but you can fool us no longer. You’re the hipster bandit! It was a good ruse for a while, distracting the general public with your anti-mainstream shenanigans, but the jig is up, DJ. However, being a fair man, I’ll make you a deal. If you come quietly, I’ll share some of the reward money with you when your sentence is up.

Sponsored
Sponsored

— Bill J., North County

Scandalous! What kind of a world are we living in where any bank robber with a set of dark shades can pass for a hipster? I ask you, does the hipster bandit demand to be paid in non-mainstream denominations (e.g., two-dollar bills and Susan B. Anthony coins)? Does he pass his demands to the teller hand-calligraphed with sustainable ink on recycled paper? Does he maintain an Instagram account where spherical burlap loot bags — each one tied with twine and bearing a double-slashed dollar sign worthy of Scrooge McDuck — pose nobly before sweeping mountain vistas and placid streams #nofilter?

I think not.

My biggest crimes involved torrenting music that you’ve probably never heard of, and that one time I gave my little cousin Marlo a sip or three of an Alpine Nelson at a family cookout (which, by the way, she said tasted like the fruit salad her mom accidentally left in the car during a trip to Disneyland... I think we have a beer sommelier in the family).

On the off chance that they catch the guy before this goes to print, let the record show that I was into my own innocence way before it was cool.

Comments
Sponsored

The latest copy of the Reader

Please enjoy this clickable Reader flipbook. Linked text and ads are flash-highlighted in blue for your convenience. To enhance your viewing, please open full screen mode by clicking the icon on the far right of the black flipbook toolbar.

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Live Five: Sitting On Stacy, Matte Blvck, Think X, Hendrix Celebration, Coriander

Alt-ska, dark electro-pop, tributes, and coastal rock in Solana Beach, Little Italy, Pacific Beach
Next Article

Poway’s schools, faced with money squeeze, fined for voter mailing

$105 million bond required payback of nearly 10 times that amount
Comments
Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories Fishing Report — What’s getting hooked from ship and shore From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town The Gonzo Report — Making the musical scene, or at least reporting from it Letters — Our inbox Movies@Home — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Theater — On stage in San Diego this week Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close

Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

This Week’s Reader This Week’s Reader