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Nick's neck news

Longtime Charger center retires, citing desire to spend more time with functioning body.

"Hey, does my head look like it's on straight?"
"Hey, does my head look like it's on straight?"

Confirming rumors that had circulated ever since a neck injury ended his 2014 season prematurely, longtime San Diego Charger Center Nick Hardwick announced his retirement from the NFL on February 3. During an emotional press conference, a substantially thinner Hardwick said his decision was motivated largely by his desire to spend more time with, as he put it, "a body that works and keeps me alive."

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"I know there's conflicting evidence out there," explained Hardwick, "but when a bunch of Harvard scientists write that 'it appears that professional football players in both the United States and Canada have life expectancies in the mid- to late-50s,' it's hard not to do the math. I'm 33. That gives me about 25 more years. I'm not sure I want to spend any of that time maintaining an unnatural degree of muscle mass and slamming into brick walls masquerading as nosetackles. So yeah, 11 years on the line seems like enough. And also, I don't really want to live in a world where Tom Brady and the Patriots have four Super Bowl rings, let alone play in that league. I think everyone can understand that. So in closing, I just want to say that I will always look back on my time as a Los Angeles Charger with great fondness and gratitude. Wait, what?"

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"Hey, does my head look like it's on straight?"
"Hey, does my head look like it's on straight?"

Confirming rumors that had circulated ever since a neck injury ended his 2014 season prematurely, longtime San Diego Charger Center Nick Hardwick announced his retirement from the NFL on February 3. During an emotional press conference, a substantially thinner Hardwick said his decision was motivated largely by his desire to spend more time with, as he put it, "a body that works and keeps me alive."

Sponsored
Sponsored

One of these dudes is not like the other/ One of these dudes isn't a hulk/ Can you tell me which dude is not like the other?/ It's the same dude minus the bulk!

"I know there's conflicting evidence out there," explained Hardwick, "but when a bunch of Harvard scientists write that 'it appears that professional football players in both the United States and Canada have life expectancies in the mid- to late-50s,' it's hard not to do the math. I'm 33. That gives me about 25 more years. I'm not sure I want to spend any of that time maintaining an unnatural degree of muscle mass and slamming into brick walls masquerading as nosetackles. So yeah, 11 years on the line seems like enough. And also, I don't really want to live in a world where Tom Brady and the Patriots have four Super Bowl rings, let alone play in that league. I think everyone can understand that. So in closing, I just want to say that I will always look back on my time as a Los Angeles Charger with great fondness and gratitude. Wait, what?"

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