Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

Pickled eggs for christmas — no reason why not

(Lowercase c intended)

  • Dear Hipster:
  • I almost always have a really hard time buying gifts for people. Birthdays are tough enough, but this time of year is all but impossible, seeing as how there are so many people on my shopping list. My wife and I have agreed to combine the majority of our shopping so that we can find a single gift that works for everybody. I was humblebragging about our clever plan the other day, and a few friends came down on me pretty hard over being “too lazy for Christmas.” I felt like the plan was sound, but now I’m in crisis. Is it cool of me to get a one-size-fits-all gift? Help me, Hipster Wan Kenobi. You’re my only hope!
  • — Luke (haha not really)

Well, well, well, it looks like somebody’s just a little too excited about The Force Awakens. I don’t think I can help with your biggest problem — that of you being an incurable fanboy — but if you’re looking for coolness absolution, then that is my early Christmas gift to you, sir.

Sponsored
Sponsored

Your friends were out of line in harshly judging your gift idea; in no small part because deciding what is and isn’t cool is my job, and I don’t take kindly to unqualified coolness judges marching all over my turf with their barefoot shoes and unwarranted high-fives. The best part of giving as you intend to is that you can indulge the time-honored hipster tradition of breaking with mainstream consumer culture by making your gifts into a work of artistic self-expression. If you’ve ever received any holiday gifts from your hipster friends, then surely you must know that hipsters seize on any opportunity to produce thoughtfully quirky handicrafts. Nothing says nondenominational hipster christmas (little c) gifts like jars of pickled eggs, some hand-infused cocktail bitters bearing a carefully antiqued label, ironically cheerless stockings decorated with iron-on patches for death-metal bands, homemade mustache wax (no, I will not give up my secret recipe...that is what “secret” means), or sepia-toned postcards depicting the gift-giver’s French bulldog getting up to hilarious holiday hijinks.

I hereby grant you permission to give whatever you please, especially if it’s something that puts your own spin on holiday cheer.

  • Dear Hipster:
  • I do not celebrate any of the mainstream winter holidays. Neither Christmas, nor Chanukah, nor New Age winter solstice deals appeal to me, yet I feel compelled to return people’s various “happy holiday” wishes in kind. How do I find a way to let people know I don’t want to wish them happy anything other than happiness for happiness’ sake?
  • — Anonymous

As simultaneously zen and non-mainstream as your feelings are, I’d urge you to remember that there are two kinds of hipsters in this world. There are the annoying ones who make a point of telling everyone about their favorite obscure bands. Then, there are the ones who wait patiently for someone to request their musical opinions, at which point it’s open season on smug diatribes against all things mainstream. Actually, there are as many kinds of hipsters as there are magnificent glittering hues in a Squatty Potty unicorn’s ice cream poop... but I think you get the picture. You hate feeling pressured to show token respect for others’ holiday traditions, so don’t turn that around by awkwardly pressuring other people into observing yours. It’s a fine line. Tread it.

The latest copy of the Reader

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Too $hort & DJ Symphony, Peppermint Beach Club, Holidays at the Zoo

Events December 19-December 21, 2024
  • Dear Hipster:
  • I almost always have a really hard time buying gifts for people. Birthdays are tough enough, but this time of year is all but impossible, seeing as how there are so many people on my shopping list. My wife and I have agreed to combine the majority of our shopping so that we can find a single gift that works for everybody. I was humblebragging about our clever plan the other day, and a few friends came down on me pretty hard over being “too lazy for Christmas.” I felt like the plan was sound, but now I’m in crisis. Is it cool of me to get a one-size-fits-all gift? Help me, Hipster Wan Kenobi. You’re my only hope!
  • — Luke (haha not really)

Well, well, well, it looks like somebody’s just a little too excited about The Force Awakens. I don’t think I can help with your biggest problem — that of you being an incurable fanboy — but if you’re looking for coolness absolution, then that is my early Christmas gift to you, sir.

Sponsored
Sponsored

Your friends were out of line in harshly judging your gift idea; in no small part because deciding what is and isn’t cool is my job, and I don’t take kindly to unqualified coolness judges marching all over my turf with their barefoot shoes and unwarranted high-fives. The best part of giving as you intend to is that you can indulge the time-honored hipster tradition of breaking with mainstream consumer culture by making your gifts into a work of artistic self-expression. If you’ve ever received any holiday gifts from your hipster friends, then surely you must know that hipsters seize on any opportunity to produce thoughtfully quirky handicrafts. Nothing says nondenominational hipster christmas (little c) gifts like jars of pickled eggs, some hand-infused cocktail bitters bearing a carefully antiqued label, ironically cheerless stockings decorated with iron-on patches for death-metal bands, homemade mustache wax (no, I will not give up my secret recipe...that is what “secret” means), or sepia-toned postcards depicting the gift-giver’s French bulldog getting up to hilarious holiday hijinks.

I hereby grant you permission to give whatever you please, especially if it’s something that puts your own spin on holiday cheer.

  • Dear Hipster:
  • I do not celebrate any of the mainstream winter holidays. Neither Christmas, nor Chanukah, nor New Age winter solstice deals appeal to me, yet I feel compelled to return people’s various “happy holiday” wishes in kind. How do I find a way to let people know I don’t want to wish them happy anything other than happiness for happiness’ sake?
  • — Anonymous

As simultaneously zen and non-mainstream as your feelings are, I’d urge you to remember that there are two kinds of hipsters in this world. There are the annoying ones who make a point of telling everyone about their favorite obscure bands. Then, there are the ones who wait patiently for someone to request their musical opinions, at which point it’s open season on smug diatribes against all things mainstream. Actually, there are as many kinds of hipsters as there are magnificent glittering hues in a Squatty Potty unicorn’s ice cream poop... but I think you get the picture. You hate feeling pressured to show token respect for others’ holiday traditions, so don’t turn that around by awkwardly pressuring other people into observing yours. It’s a fine line. Tread it.

Comments
Sponsored

The latest copy of the Reader

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Hike off those holiday calories, Poinsettias are peaking

Winter Solstice is here and what is winter?
Next Article

Big kited bluefin on the Red Rooster III

Lake fishing heating up as the weather cools
Comments
Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories Fishing Report — What’s getting hooked from ship and shore From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town The Gonzo Report — Making the musical scene, or at least reporting from it Letters — Our inbox Movies@Home — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Theater — On stage in San Diego this week Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close

Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

This Week’s Reader This Week’s Reader