Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

SeaWorld president fed to figurative, then literal sharks

Atchison addresses the press before being lowered into SeaWorld's famous Shark Encounter exhibit.
Atchison addresses the press before being lowered into SeaWorld's famous Shark Encounter exhibit.

Ever since the release of the 2013 documentary Blackfish, SeaWorld has been struggling to stay afloat amid accusations that it has mistreated both its killer whales and the trainers assigned to care for them, with occasionally deadly consequences. Now, facing declining attendance and declining stock prices, the company has decided to terminate President and CEO Jim Atchison.

Sponsored
Sponsored

"Since the release of Blackfish," said Atchison in a recent press conference, "SeaWorld has been the victim of a media feeding frenzy that has eaten away at both our reputation and our bottom line. At times, it has seemed like you media types felt it was more important to throw scandalous chum to the unreasoning beast of prurient public interest than it was to find out the truth about our park's killer whale program. Throughout this ordeal, I have been held up as some kind of unfeeling monster who delights in the suffering of the helpless. Oddly, that's sort of how I feel about all of you. At any rate, you've all gotten your pound of flesh: SeaWorld's Board of Directors has asked for my resignation. They have also asked that I be eaten by sharks, in full view of the press, in an effort to restore public goodwill toward this wonderful vacation destination, one that does so much good and brings so much joy to the world. So, I guess that's a few pounds of my flesh that you won't be getting.

"I only hope that my brutal, agonizing end, here at SeaWorld and also here on earth, will be sufficient to slake the bloodlust of the seemingly insatiable mob that has taken it upon itself to make war on one of America's most beloved animal icons and the bastion of entertainment and research that it stands for. Finally, I must admit that it gives me no small amount of pleasure to note that I am being fed to sharks as opposed to orcas, because the trainers were unable to guarantee lethal results from the orcas unless I dressed up in a seal suit and rolled in bacon grease. And even in an age of wholesale waterboarding, the government considers that cruel and unusual. Who's a killer now, bitches?"

The latest copy of the Reader

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Oceanside toughens up Harbor Beach

Tighter hours on fire rings, more cops, maybe cameras
Next Article

Two poems for Christmas by Joseph Brodsky

Star of the Nativity and Nativity Poem
Atchison addresses the press before being lowered into SeaWorld's famous Shark Encounter exhibit.
Atchison addresses the press before being lowered into SeaWorld's famous Shark Encounter exhibit.

Ever since the release of the 2013 documentary Blackfish, SeaWorld has been struggling to stay afloat amid accusations that it has mistreated both its killer whales and the trainers assigned to care for them, with occasionally deadly consequences. Now, facing declining attendance and declining stock prices, the company has decided to terminate President and CEO Jim Atchison.

Sponsored
Sponsored

"Since the release of Blackfish," said Atchison in a recent press conference, "SeaWorld has been the victim of a media feeding frenzy that has eaten away at both our reputation and our bottom line. At times, it has seemed like you media types felt it was more important to throw scandalous chum to the unreasoning beast of prurient public interest than it was to find out the truth about our park's killer whale program. Throughout this ordeal, I have been held up as some kind of unfeeling monster who delights in the suffering of the helpless. Oddly, that's sort of how I feel about all of you. At any rate, you've all gotten your pound of flesh: SeaWorld's Board of Directors has asked for my resignation. They have also asked that I be eaten by sharks, in full view of the press, in an effort to restore public goodwill toward this wonderful vacation destination, one that does so much good and brings so much joy to the world. So, I guess that's a few pounds of my flesh that you won't be getting.

"I only hope that my brutal, agonizing end, here at SeaWorld and also here on earth, will be sufficient to slake the bloodlust of the seemingly insatiable mob that has taken it upon itself to make war on one of America's most beloved animal icons and the bastion of entertainment and research that it stands for. Finally, I must admit that it gives me no small amount of pleasure to note that I am being fed to sharks as opposed to orcas, because the trainers were unable to guarantee lethal results from the orcas unless I dressed up in a seal suit and rolled in bacon grease. And even in an age of wholesale waterboarding, the government considers that cruel and unusual. Who's a killer now, bitches?"

Comments
Sponsored

The latest copy of the Reader

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Trump disses digital catapults

Biden likes General Atomics drones
Next Article

THEIR Lady of Guadalupe?

Racist attack in North Park after dark
Comments
Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories Fishing Report — What’s getting hooked from ship and shore From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town The Gonzo Report — Making the musical scene, or at least reporting from it Letters — Our inbox Movies@Home — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Theater — On stage in San Diego this week Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close

Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

This Week’s Reader This Week’s Reader