Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

Never Forget

Jeffrey
Jeffrey

Ten years, an even number, a milestone in time. We have this obsession with decades, and thinking they matter in some profound way. But it’s not the anniversary that matters, it’s the event, and the events on 9/11 were profound.

I couldn’t tell you what I was doing last week. But I remember every detail of that day, the days that followed, that month ten years ago. Unlike the misty impressions of most things past, every emotion and tactile sensation I experienced on September 11, 2001 is well preserved, like a mosquito in amber, blood and wings intact.

Sponsored
Sponsored

I can remember the weight of the lined yellow paper in my hands, the one on which I’d scrawled the Prayer of St. Anthony, patron saint of all that is lost. My mother had asked her daughters to recite it every hour. It made us feel like we weren’t so helpless being 3000 miles away, while all of the men in our family were there at Ground Zero, frantically searching through debris and body parts to find my cousin Jeffrey.

Four days later, I brought what was now a crinkly piece of yellow paper with me to Los Angeles, where I was hosting my birthday party. Jeffrey was still lost, and hope was fading, but my cousins, Jeffrey’s brothers and brothers-in-law, were tireless in their search, despite the toxic dust, despite the horrific leftovers of life that they found.

I used my birthday as an excuse to escape. Jeffrey was older and way cooler than me, which was why I was always trying to impress him with my antics. During our last phone conversation months earlier, he had warned me about partying too hard. I can’t remember his exact words – I’d blown off his concern, and the memory had receded into my mind, along with all of the others that didn’t seem to matter at the time, the ones I wish I could get back.

As if rebelling could bring him round, I didn’t heed my cousin’s words. I remember every drug I took on that three-day bender, I recall each moment that I began to feel, to think again, which would motivate me to ingest more of this, or some of that, until the real world faded away and euphoria returned.

When the fog had finally lifted, when my body could take no more, I returned to San Diego. Hope of finding Jeffrey dwindled with each passing day. He was one of the first firefighters on the scene. His body was one of the last to be recovered.

Ten years. My dad is in New York right now, sitting beside his sister, my aunt, Jeffrey’s mother. He was the youngest of her six children. Regardless of how many years have passed, when I see an image from that day, the amber is cracked, and my emotions, perfectly preserved, are released. That’s why tomorrow, on what the news deems a significant benchmark in time, my television will remain off.

The latest copy of the Reader

Please enjoy this clickable Reader flipbook. Linked text and ads are flash-highlighted in blue for your convenience. To enhance your viewing, please open full screen mode by clicking the icon on the far right of the black flipbook toolbar.

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

The Fellini of Clairemont High

When gang showers were standard for gym class
Jeffrey
Jeffrey

Ten years, an even number, a milestone in time. We have this obsession with decades, and thinking they matter in some profound way. But it’s not the anniversary that matters, it’s the event, and the events on 9/11 were profound.

I couldn’t tell you what I was doing last week. But I remember every detail of that day, the days that followed, that month ten years ago. Unlike the misty impressions of most things past, every emotion and tactile sensation I experienced on September 11, 2001 is well preserved, like a mosquito in amber, blood and wings intact.

Sponsored
Sponsored

I can remember the weight of the lined yellow paper in my hands, the one on which I’d scrawled the Prayer of St. Anthony, patron saint of all that is lost. My mother had asked her daughters to recite it every hour. It made us feel like we weren’t so helpless being 3000 miles away, while all of the men in our family were there at Ground Zero, frantically searching through debris and body parts to find my cousin Jeffrey.

Four days later, I brought what was now a crinkly piece of yellow paper with me to Los Angeles, where I was hosting my birthday party. Jeffrey was still lost, and hope was fading, but my cousins, Jeffrey’s brothers and brothers-in-law, were tireless in their search, despite the toxic dust, despite the horrific leftovers of life that they found.

I used my birthday as an excuse to escape. Jeffrey was older and way cooler than me, which was why I was always trying to impress him with my antics. During our last phone conversation months earlier, he had warned me about partying too hard. I can’t remember his exact words – I’d blown off his concern, and the memory had receded into my mind, along with all of the others that didn’t seem to matter at the time, the ones I wish I could get back.

As if rebelling could bring him round, I didn’t heed my cousin’s words. I remember every drug I took on that three-day bender, I recall each moment that I began to feel, to think again, which would motivate me to ingest more of this, or some of that, until the real world faded away and euphoria returned.

When the fog had finally lifted, when my body could take no more, I returned to San Diego. Hope of finding Jeffrey dwindled with each passing day. He was one of the first firefighters on the scene. His body was one of the last to be recovered.

Ten years. My dad is in New York right now, sitting beside his sister, my aunt, Jeffrey’s mother. He was the youngest of her six children. Regardless of how many years have passed, when I see an image from that day, the amber is cracked, and my emotions, perfectly preserved, are released. That’s why tomorrow, on what the news deems a significant benchmark in time, my television will remain off.

Comments
Sponsored

The latest copy of the Reader

Please enjoy this clickable Reader flipbook. Linked text and ads are flash-highlighted in blue for your convenience. To enhance your viewing, please open full screen mode by clicking the icon on the far right of the black flipbook toolbar.

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Conservatives cry, “Turnabout is fair gay!”

Will Three See Eight’s Fate?
Next Article

Dia de los Muertos Celebration, Love Thy Neighbor(Hood): Food & Art Exploration

Events November 2-November 6, 2024
Comments
Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories Fishing Report — What’s getting hooked from ship and shore From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town The Gonzo Report — Making the musical scene, or at least reporting from it Letters — Our inbox Movies@Home — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Theater — On stage in San Diego this week Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close

Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

This Week’s Reader This Week’s Reader