Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

The Clock Is Ticking

Barbarella
Barbarella

Perhaps it's because I'm in a bad mood today, or maybe it's because I've heard it one too many times this week, but regardless of the reason, I'm all in a huff over one particular phrase. It's one you know, one you've heard, likely from a parent or sibling. It's usually spoken in a familial context. It's not the phrase alone that bothers me, so much as all of the weight of its subtext, and the guilt, drooping from each word like breasts on a nun.

The phrase doesn't stand alone, it can't. It needs to be preceded by a certain premise -- that there is someone elderly or ailing, and that someone is elsewhere. Someone with whom you are likely not close, but whose home your business or pleasure will soon bring you within the general vicinity of. It is only after these factors are in place that a family member will say, "Are you going to stop by and visit [said elderly or ailing person]?" And it is this question, which is followed by the phrase that is currently the focus of my menstrual-induced rage: "I mean, we're not sure how long he/she is going to be with us."

Sponsored
Sponsored

To which I think, but never say, "What does that matter?" You visit a person because you WANT to, not because you're afraid they might die tomorrow and you'll have missed your chance to say whatever it is you've always yearned to say but never had the courage because you were convinced they'd still be around to judge you for it.

Who knows how much time any of us has? I could walk outside today, get hit by a car, and die on the spot. In fact, three people have died on the crosswalk in front of my building, so this is not as far-fetched as you might think. Sure, someone who is extremely elderly or ill has a greater chance of sleeping the final sleep. But is that what it takes to pull you out of your self-absorbed world and show a little kindness?

I spend time with people I love. Most of them are healthy. When those healthy loved ones of mine do fall ill, or elderly, I won't feel the guilt and weight of "rushing" to be the way I wish I'd been when they were well. Why wait until then? It seems downright stupid. So know this, dear loved ones -- if I care, I'm there. Now. In sickness or in health. And if I'm not there now, when you are well, don't expect me to knock on your door with apologies and excuses when you fall ill. Because if I'm anything, it's consistent.

The latest copy of the Reader

Please enjoy this clickable Reader flipbook. Linked text and ads are flash-highlighted in blue for your convenience. To enhance your viewing, please open full screen mode by clicking the icon on the far right of the black flipbook toolbar.

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Trump names local supporter new Border Czar

Another Brick (Suit) in the Wall
Barbarella
Barbarella

Perhaps it's because I'm in a bad mood today, or maybe it's because I've heard it one too many times this week, but regardless of the reason, I'm all in a huff over one particular phrase. It's one you know, one you've heard, likely from a parent or sibling. It's usually spoken in a familial context. It's not the phrase alone that bothers me, so much as all of the weight of its subtext, and the guilt, drooping from each word like breasts on a nun.

The phrase doesn't stand alone, it can't. It needs to be preceded by a certain premise -- that there is someone elderly or ailing, and that someone is elsewhere. Someone with whom you are likely not close, but whose home your business or pleasure will soon bring you within the general vicinity of. It is only after these factors are in place that a family member will say, "Are you going to stop by and visit [said elderly or ailing person]?" And it is this question, which is followed by the phrase that is currently the focus of my menstrual-induced rage: "I mean, we're not sure how long he/she is going to be with us."

Sponsored
Sponsored

To which I think, but never say, "What does that matter?" You visit a person because you WANT to, not because you're afraid they might die tomorrow and you'll have missed your chance to say whatever it is you've always yearned to say but never had the courage because you were convinced they'd still be around to judge you for it.

Who knows how much time any of us has? I could walk outside today, get hit by a car, and die on the spot. In fact, three people have died on the crosswalk in front of my building, so this is not as far-fetched as you might think. Sure, someone who is extremely elderly or ill has a greater chance of sleeping the final sleep. But is that what it takes to pull you out of your self-absorbed world and show a little kindness?

I spend time with people I love. Most of them are healthy. When those healthy loved ones of mine do fall ill, or elderly, I won't feel the guilt and weight of "rushing" to be the way I wish I'd been when they were well. Why wait until then? It seems downright stupid. So know this, dear loved ones -- if I care, I'm there. Now. In sickness or in health. And if I'm not there now, when you are well, don't expect me to knock on your door with apologies and excuses when you fall ill. Because if I'm anything, it's consistent.

Comments
Sponsored

The latest copy of the Reader

Please enjoy this clickable Reader flipbook. Linked text and ads are flash-highlighted in blue for your convenience. To enhance your viewing, please open full screen mode by clicking the icon on the far right of the black flipbook toolbar.

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Undocumented workers break for Trump in 2024

Illegals Vote for Felon
Next Article

Birding & Brews: Breakfast Edition, ZZ Ward, Doggie Street Festival & Pet Adopt-A-Thon

Events November 21-November 23, 2024
Comments
Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories Fishing Report — What’s getting hooked from ship and shore From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town The Gonzo Report — Making the musical scene, or at least reporting from it Letters — Our inbox Movies@Home — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Theater — On stage in San Diego this week Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close

Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

This Week’s Reader This Week’s Reader