Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

Drinks in Denver, New Zeeland

Dear Matt: I have some friends in Denver, and they keep wanting me to come visit. They say you can get drunk there faster and cheaper because of the altitude. I asked them why but they didn’t know. They just said it works and that my money would go farther in a bar because I’d get drunk faster. Is there anything to this story? Can you explain why this would work? If it does work I’ll be much more interested in going all that way to visit my friends and throw down a few brews. — Ray-Ray, via email

The elves hopped on this one, had their bags packed, and were checking in with their cousin, the Travelocity gnome, before I knew what was happening. Grandma Alice put a stop to it by locking them in their bedroom until we were through. Then we set Grandma to checking out travel brochures for the area, but she came up empty. So, apparently this mile-high feature isn’t advertised by the tourist board. Guess we’ll have to look elsewhere, like poking around inside the science guys’ brains. We invited them out for a cold one, and here’s what we got:

Sponsored
Sponsored

Right away there was a faction that took over the meeting, loudly detailing all the whys and wherefores of high-altitude alcohol. First, we have the lower oxygen content of Denver air. Then, they say, there’s Denver’s lower air pressure. Add a Coors, and you have the start of a fine evening’s drunk. Next, they set up their PowerPoint lecture. I heard a few groans from a corner of the room, and half the elves zipped outside while the science guys set up their computer.

When you hop off the plane in Denver, you’re suddenly in a high-altitude environment where your blood can’t absorb oxygen very well. Since your brain sucks up 20 percent of your heart’s blood output, including the oxygen, right away you’re a little goofy from lack of O2. Have trouble finding your backpack on the carousel? Blame it on Denver. But, anyway, eventually you drop off your stuff and head straight for a bar. Your first frosty one tastes great. Inside, though, your bloodstream is soaking up the alcohol, too. Unfortunately, that further interferes with your O2 intake and also interferes with transfer of O2 out of your blood. But not to worry. A fine load of oxygen deprivation sends you right into some pretty good spinny fun. Euphoria! Boy, are you happy you took your friends up on that invitation. Denver is a cheap drunk, for sure. At least for the first two or three days, until your body gets used to the altitude.

While the science guys are reeling through their PowerPoint jive, we can see a few FAA and space-medicine geeks starting to wave their hands from the back of the room. “Wait a minute, Jack,” they say. “We just ran a bunch of flyboys through some pretty exacting tests, and we think you’re way overstating things.” Turns out there have been several tests in which subjects were fed air with an O2 content equal to an altitude of up to 12,500 feet, and none of them showed any mental impairment on specialized tests, no matter their age or alcohol consumption. So, I guess according to the FAA, if you stagger around Denver acting like a dipshit, well, it’s your own fault. Can’t blame it on altitude. Personally, I don’t see how both sets of information can coexist politely. I mean, the two groups of science guys started throwing wine and cheese at each other. And I guess this leaves you right back where you started from. Except I know you’re going to Denver just to check it out. Which reminds me...one more thing: The big downside of Denver and its alleged cheap drunk is how you’ll feel the next day. Denver’s dry air combined with the diuretic properties of alcohol lead you straight down the ugly road to Hangoverville. So, hey, be careful out there.

Old Matt: I know where Old England is. I know where Old York is. I know where to find Old Hampshire, Old Mexico. Old Orleans. But where is Old Zeeland? — Clueless, via email

New Zealand (original Maori name Aotearoa) was renamed Nieuw Zeeland in 1624 by explorer Abel Janszoon Tasman, lonesome for the Dutch province of Zeeland. In return, Abel’s name has been stuck on an Australian state (Tasmania, formerly Van Diemen’s Land), a sea, a mountain, a wolf, a national park, a small vicious animal, and a cartoon character.

The latest copy of the Reader

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Bringing Order to the Christmas Chaos

There is a sense of grandeur in Messiah that period performance mavens miss.
Next Article

Live Five: Rebecca Jade, Stoney B. Blues, Manzanita Blues, Blame Betty, Marujah

Holiday music, blues, rockabilly, and record releases in Carlsbad, San Carlos, Little Italy, downtown

Dear Matt: I have some friends in Denver, and they keep wanting me to come visit. They say you can get drunk there faster and cheaper because of the altitude. I asked them why but they didn’t know. They just said it works and that my money would go farther in a bar because I’d get drunk faster. Is there anything to this story? Can you explain why this would work? If it does work I’ll be much more interested in going all that way to visit my friends and throw down a few brews. — Ray-Ray, via email

The elves hopped on this one, had their bags packed, and were checking in with their cousin, the Travelocity gnome, before I knew what was happening. Grandma Alice put a stop to it by locking them in their bedroom until we were through. Then we set Grandma to checking out travel brochures for the area, but she came up empty. So, apparently this mile-high feature isn’t advertised by the tourist board. Guess we’ll have to look elsewhere, like poking around inside the science guys’ brains. We invited them out for a cold one, and here’s what we got:

Sponsored
Sponsored

Right away there was a faction that took over the meeting, loudly detailing all the whys and wherefores of high-altitude alcohol. First, we have the lower oxygen content of Denver air. Then, they say, there’s Denver’s lower air pressure. Add a Coors, and you have the start of a fine evening’s drunk. Next, they set up their PowerPoint lecture. I heard a few groans from a corner of the room, and half the elves zipped outside while the science guys set up their computer.

When you hop off the plane in Denver, you’re suddenly in a high-altitude environment where your blood can’t absorb oxygen very well. Since your brain sucks up 20 percent of your heart’s blood output, including the oxygen, right away you’re a little goofy from lack of O2. Have trouble finding your backpack on the carousel? Blame it on Denver. But, anyway, eventually you drop off your stuff and head straight for a bar. Your first frosty one tastes great. Inside, though, your bloodstream is soaking up the alcohol, too. Unfortunately, that further interferes with your O2 intake and also interferes with transfer of O2 out of your blood. But not to worry. A fine load of oxygen deprivation sends you right into some pretty good spinny fun. Euphoria! Boy, are you happy you took your friends up on that invitation. Denver is a cheap drunk, for sure. At least for the first two or three days, until your body gets used to the altitude.

While the science guys are reeling through their PowerPoint jive, we can see a few FAA and space-medicine geeks starting to wave their hands from the back of the room. “Wait a minute, Jack,” they say. “We just ran a bunch of flyboys through some pretty exacting tests, and we think you’re way overstating things.” Turns out there have been several tests in which subjects were fed air with an O2 content equal to an altitude of up to 12,500 feet, and none of them showed any mental impairment on specialized tests, no matter their age or alcohol consumption. So, I guess according to the FAA, if you stagger around Denver acting like a dipshit, well, it’s your own fault. Can’t blame it on altitude. Personally, I don’t see how both sets of information can coexist politely. I mean, the two groups of science guys started throwing wine and cheese at each other. And I guess this leaves you right back where you started from. Except I know you’re going to Denver just to check it out. Which reminds me...one more thing: The big downside of Denver and its alleged cheap drunk is how you’ll feel the next day. Denver’s dry air combined with the diuretic properties of alcohol lead you straight down the ugly road to Hangoverville. So, hey, be careful out there.

Old Matt: I know where Old England is. I know where Old York is. I know where to find Old Hampshire, Old Mexico. Old Orleans. But where is Old Zeeland? — Clueless, via email

New Zealand (original Maori name Aotearoa) was renamed Nieuw Zeeland in 1624 by explorer Abel Janszoon Tasman, lonesome for the Dutch province of Zeeland. In return, Abel’s name has been stuck on an Australian state (Tasmania, formerly Van Diemen’s Land), a sea, a mountain, a wolf, a national park, a small vicious animal, and a cartoon character.

Comments
Sponsored

The latest copy of the Reader

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Aaron Stewart trades Christmas wonders for his first new music in 15 years

“Just because the job part was done, didn’t mean the passion had to die”
Next Article

Live Five: Rebecca Jade, Stoney B. Blues, Manzanita Blues, Blame Betty, Marujah

Holiday music, blues, rockabilly, and record releases in Carlsbad, San Carlos, Little Italy, downtown
Comments
Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories Fishing Report — What’s getting hooked from ship and shore From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town The Gonzo Report — Making the musical scene, or at least reporting from it Letters — Our inbox Movies@Home — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Theater — On stage in San Diego this week Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close

Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

This Week’s Reader This Week’s Reader