Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

Late Have I Loved You

She taught me how to find joy through suffering, prayer, humility, and love.

Our dealings from the beginning had a mother-daughter feel. Judith played the loving, nurturing mother; I, the eager-to-please daughter. It was curious, because we never met. But she headed her e-mails "Dear heart," "Cream puff," and "Dear angel" and filled them with encouraging and pithy tips, such as "Don't ever describe something that you can get an expert to describe" and "Give me all five senses."

When Judith got sick, I knew she didn't want to talk about it. We carried on as before, but my own motherly intuition could sense loneliness and suffering in her short e-mails. So I took a chance and sent her a book of prayers and some coloring creations from my kids. We enclosed a note telling her we were all praying for her. She sent an e-mail thanking us and signed it, "In your love's warmth."

Sponsored
Sponsored

Over her last months, this lady who had been a work mother to me became in her own words a "scared little girl." I was humbled and honored when she wrote me saying I had become "a spiritual mother" to her. Another note said that she could feel our prayers holding her spirit high.

She wrote of her suffering, how it demanded patience and humility. "I am not accustomed to needing so much help, and that humbles me every day," she stated. "My body, some nights, is its own cross, and my mind remains too lively." But other correspondence was hopeful. "I have been singing the beginning of the Magnificat a lot. 'My Spirit doth rejoice in God my Savior.' "

Even in her dark hours, she still showed me love, warmth, and encouragement. As a good mother does, she taught me how to find joy through suffering, prayer, humility, and love. For that, I will always be grateful.

Toward the very end, she sent poems and prayers in which she found inspiration and solace -- poems such as "Life of Sundays" by Rodney Jones and Wordsworth's "Nuns Fret Not at Their Convent's Narrow Room." The last poem she sent me was a prayer of Saint Augustine's: "Late I have loved you, O Beauty, so ancient and so new; late have I loved you. For behold you were within me, and I outside; and I sought you outside and in my unloveliness fell upon those lovely things which you have made. You were with me, and I was not with you. I was kept from you by those things, yet had they not been in you, they would not have been at all. You called and cried to me to break open my deafness and you sent forth your beams and you shone upon me and chased away my blindness. You breathed fragrance upon me, and I drew in my breath and do now pant for you. I tasted you, and now hunger and thirst for you. You touched me, and I have burned for your peace."

The latest copy of the Reader

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Thanksgiving Lunch Cruise, The Avengers and Zeros ‘77, Small Business Saturday In Escondido

Events November 28-November 30, 2024
Next Article

Aaron Bleiweiss: has guitar, has traveled

Seattle native takes Twists and Turns to assemble local all-stars

Our dealings from the beginning had a mother-daughter feel. Judith played the loving, nurturing mother; I, the eager-to-please daughter. It was curious, because we never met. But she headed her e-mails "Dear heart," "Cream puff," and "Dear angel" and filled them with encouraging and pithy tips, such as "Don't ever describe something that you can get an expert to describe" and "Give me all five senses."

When Judith got sick, I knew she didn't want to talk about it. We carried on as before, but my own motherly intuition could sense loneliness and suffering in her short e-mails. So I took a chance and sent her a book of prayers and some coloring creations from my kids. We enclosed a note telling her we were all praying for her. She sent an e-mail thanking us and signed it, "In your love's warmth."

Sponsored
Sponsored

Over her last months, this lady who had been a work mother to me became in her own words a "scared little girl." I was humbled and honored when she wrote me saying I had become "a spiritual mother" to her. Another note said that she could feel our prayers holding her spirit high.

She wrote of her suffering, how it demanded patience and humility. "I am not accustomed to needing so much help, and that humbles me every day," she stated. "My body, some nights, is its own cross, and my mind remains too lively." But other correspondence was hopeful. "I have been singing the beginning of the Magnificat a lot. 'My Spirit doth rejoice in God my Savior.' "

Even in her dark hours, she still showed me love, warmth, and encouragement. As a good mother does, she taught me how to find joy through suffering, prayer, humility, and love. For that, I will always be grateful.

Toward the very end, she sent poems and prayers in which she found inspiration and solace -- poems such as "Life of Sundays" by Rodney Jones and Wordsworth's "Nuns Fret Not at Their Convent's Narrow Room." The last poem she sent me was a prayer of Saint Augustine's: "Late I have loved you, O Beauty, so ancient and so new; late have I loved you. For behold you were within me, and I outside; and I sought you outside and in my unloveliness fell upon those lovely things which you have made. You were with me, and I was not with you. I was kept from you by those things, yet had they not been in you, they would not have been at all. You called and cried to me to break open my deafness and you sent forth your beams and you shone upon me and chased away my blindness. You breathed fragrance upon me, and I drew in my breath and do now pant for you. I tasted you, and now hunger and thirst for you. You touched me, and I have burned for your peace."

Comments
Sponsored

The latest copy of the Reader

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Successor to Lillian Hellman and Carson McCullers

Crossword puzzles need headline
Next Article

City Lights: Journey Through Light & Sound, Hotel Holiday Tea Service

Events December 7-December 11, 2024
Comments
Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories Fishing Report — What’s getting hooked from ship and shore From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town The Gonzo Report — Making the musical scene, or at least reporting from it Letters — Our inbox Movies@Home — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Theater — On stage in San Diego this week Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close

Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

This Week’s Reader This Week’s Reader