Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

As Thin as Butterfly Wings

My mother continues to sew.

Laura McNeal's mother. My father got cancer, I went to college, my brother married, I married, my mother got cancer.
Laura McNeal's mother. My father got cancer, I went to college, my brother married, I married, my mother got cancer.

My mother was born in the high desert of northeastern Arizona. Even now it's a hard place to thrive, with rain unlikely and resources few. Her father built their house out of adobe bricks he formed by hand. Her mother sewed quilts out of old clothes, boiled peach pits to make jelly, and scoured the desert to create her garden: petrified wood, round stones, clear glass, broken statuary, wagon wheels, and a bare tree studded with blue bottles, the sight of it gorgeously improbable, as if a camera had caught the moment spouts of blue water turned to ice.

The author's mother. She sewed herself off the ranch and into college.

From this my mother learned to make do. She sewed herself off the ranch and into college. In 1956, when she was 19, she sewed two narrow-waisted, full-skirted dresses and pasted the pictures of the patterns into her scrapbook with swatches, saying they "looked nice and wore well." Two years later, she sewed matching striped shirts for herself and the man who became my father, posing for the camera with him, giddily in love. She sewed for one child, then two. When I was four, she made the fringed poncho I wore for a family portrait and sent the picture to my father in Vietnam.

Sponsored
Sponsored
When she was 19, she sewed two narrow-waisted, full-skirted dresses.

After the war, she sewed scraps of denim together and made my father a jacket. She made a sleeping bag of slippery red and white material that she had to stitch into baffles and then stuff with bags of down so fine that tiny feathers flew all over the sewing room as she pushed them in. She sewed a Pilgrim's dress for me, and I wore it to school just before Thanksgiving, inspiring the principal to show me around the classrooms as a mortified historical exhibit.

Despite this, my mother and I were one at the fabric store. We perched at long tables lined with pattern books and planned what I would wear to school, the sixth-grade dance, my piano recital. Each pattern book sat heavily on a tilted table like the Gutenberg Bible. They could not be moved, so we moved from stool to stool, from McCall's to Vogue to Simplicity, turning the pages very quietly, never seeing my actual self in the clothes, but a sketched icon, the archetype, the ideal.

We took home the patterns in smooth white envelopes, our bags filled with bolts of cloth, button cards, zippers, thread, and needles. Inside the envelopes the pattern pieces were as thin as butterfly wings, folded precisely into forms that would be lost as soon as they were opened.

In the basement room, where the window was at ground level, we cut the gossamer paper apart and weighed down the patterns with heavy steel weights my father had made for us, each square like silver from the mint. Carefully, with the heater ticking beside us and the iron burning the air, we cut out sleeves and yokes, ready to begin the intricate series of seams that would, if we could just sew well enough, yield the archetypal woman in the pattern book.

Outside, it was usually winter. Snow fell, night fell, and stars shown on the fishless waters of the Great Salt Lake. My father got cancer, I went to college, my brother married, I married, my mother got cancer, and still the sewing machine pushed and joined two pieces of thread through two layers of cloth, interlocking over and over, until my father died and my mother was alone in the house, at the sewing table, with all the old white pattern envelopes dark in the drawers, the gossamer pieces of long-ago prom dresses and men's shirts useless now and wrinkled.

She goes to the fabric store alone now. She sits at the tilted tables before the huge pattern books and turns the pages. All is possibility there; the women's faces, red-lipped and angular, have not aged. She takes home new patterns, for herself once again, as when she was 19, and although the snow falls outside the sewing room window, on the fields, tract houses, and my father's grave, she cuts them apart, sets out the heavy weights, and sews.

The latest copy of the Reader

Please enjoy this clickable Reader flipbook. Linked text and ads are flash-highlighted in blue for your convenience. To enhance your viewing, please open full screen mode by clicking the icon on the far right of the black flipbook toolbar.

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Classical Classical at The San Diego Symphony Orchestra

A concert I didn't know I needed
Laura McNeal's mother. My father got cancer, I went to college, my brother married, I married, my mother got cancer.
Laura McNeal's mother. My father got cancer, I went to college, my brother married, I married, my mother got cancer.

My mother was born in the high desert of northeastern Arizona. Even now it's a hard place to thrive, with rain unlikely and resources few. Her father built their house out of adobe bricks he formed by hand. Her mother sewed quilts out of old clothes, boiled peach pits to make jelly, and scoured the desert to create her garden: petrified wood, round stones, clear glass, broken statuary, wagon wheels, and a bare tree studded with blue bottles, the sight of it gorgeously improbable, as if a camera had caught the moment spouts of blue water turned to ice.

The author's mother. She sewed herself off the ranch and into college.

From this my mother learned to make do. She sewed herself off the ranch and into college. In 1956, when she was 19, she sewed two narrow-waisted, full-skirted dresses and pasted the pictures of the patterns into her scrapbook with swatches, saying they "looked nice and wore well." Two years later, she sewed matching striped shirts for herself and the man who became my father, posing for the camera with him, giddily in love. She sewed for one child, then two. When I was four, she made the fringed poncho I wore for a family portrait and sent the picture to my father in Vietnam.

Sponsored
Sponsored
When she was 19, she sewed two narrow-waisted, full-skirted dresses.

After the war, she sewed scraps of denim together and made my father a jacket. She made a sleeping bag of slippery red and white material that she had to stitch into baffles and then stuff with bags of down so fine that tiny feathers flew all over the sewing room as she pushed them in. She sewed a Pilgrim's dress for me, and I wore it to school just before Thanksgiving, inspiring the principal to show me around the classrooms as a mortified historical exhibit.

Despite this, my mother and I were one at the fabric store. We perched at long tables lined with pattern books and planned what I would wear to school, the sixth-grade dance, my piano recital. Each pattern book sat heavily on a tilted table like the Gutenberg Bible. They could not be moved, so we moved from stool to stool, from McCall's to Vogue to Simplicity, turning the pages very quietly, never seeing my actual self in the clothes, but a sketched icon, the archetype, the ideal.

We took home the patterns in smooth white envelopes, our bags filled with bolts of cloth, button cards, zippers, thread, and needles. Inside the envelopes the pattern pieces were as thin as butterfly wings, folded precisely into forms that would be lost as soon as they were opened.

In the basement room, where the window was at ground level, we cut the gossamer paper apart and weighed down the patterns with heavy steel weights my father had made for us, each square like silver from the mint. Carefully, with the heater ticking beside us and the iron burning the air, we cut out sleeves and yokes, ready to begin the intricate series of seams that would, if we could just sew well enough, yield the archetypal woman in the pattern book.

Outside, it was usually winter. Snow fell, night fell, and stars shown on the fishless waters of the Great Salt Lake. My father got cancer, I went to college, my brother married, I married, my mother got cancer, and still the sewing machine pushed and joined two pieces of thread through two layers of cloth, interlocking over and over, until my father died and my mother was alone in the house, at the sewing table, with all the old white pattern envelopes dark in the drawers, the gossamer pieces of long-ago prom dresses and men's shirts useless now and wrinkled.

She goes to the fabric store alone now. She sits at the tilted tables before the huge pattern books and turns the pages. All is possibility there; the women's faces, red-lipped and angular, have not aged. She takes home new patterns, for herself once again, as when she was 19, and although the snow falls outside the sewing room window, on the fields, tract houses, and my father's grave, she cuts them apart, sets out the heavy weights, and sews.

Comments
Sponsored

The latest copy of the Reader

Please enjoy this clickable Reader flipbook. Linked text and ads are flash-highlighted in blue for your convenience. To enhance your viewing, please open full screen mode by clicking the icon on the far right of the black flipbook toolbar.

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

NORTH COUNTY’S BEST PERSONAL TRAINER: NICOLE HANSULT HELPING YOU FEEL STRONG, CONFIDENT, AND VIBRANT AT ANY AGE

Next Article

Pie pleasure at Queenstown Public House

A taste of New Zealand brings back happy memories
Comments
Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories Fishing Report — What’s getting hooked from ship and shore From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town The Gonzo Report — Making the musical scene, or at least reporting from it Letters — Our inbox Movies@Home — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Theater — On stage in San Diego this week Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close

Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

This Week’s Reader This Week’s Reader