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Olympics will sue you down to your boxers

If you violate 36 USC 380 trademark law

To Matmail: I couldn’t help but notice that all products bearing the official endorsement of the 1996 Olympics have a notation that reads “36 USC 380.” What kind of subtle transmission are they trying to send? — Bob Davidson, the Net

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They’re saying, as discreetly as possible, that if you stick the Olympic five-ring symbol or the word “Olympic/s” on some cheesy T-shirts without asking them first, they’ll sue you cross-eyed, take everything you own right down to your boxers, and leave you and your closest relatives out on the street without a dime or any hope of ever having a dime. Their lawyers will hunt you down like a dog.

What looks like a lopsided basketball score (Short People’s Junior College 36, USC 380) is actually the legal designation for the federal Amateur Sports Act, which gives the U.S. Olympic Committee the right to sue if it detects the stench of trademark infringement. Although 36 USC 380 is a bastard child of the 1984 Lanham trademark-protection act, it allows the mighty USOC to ignore certain provisions of Lanham; f rinstance, the committee is not required to prove the infringement will create confusion in the public’s mind with the international Olympic games. This leaves the USOC free to sue small-town fundraisers who sponsor events like the Doggie Olympics or the Cow Chip Throwing Olympics as well as big-time purveyors of counterfeit goods. The USOC uses its power selectively. It approves of the names “Special Olympics” and “Police Olympics” but hauled San Francisco’s Gay Olympics into court under 36 USC 380. The USOC won a judicial gold medal in that case and another on appeal. This behavior should be no surprise, coming from the organization that fielded basketball’s “dream team,” that Billionaire Boys Club, under the aegis of amateur competition. Make that Bolivia 36, USA 380.

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To Matmail: I couldn’t help but notice that all products bearing the official endorsement of the 1996 Olympics have a notation that reads “36 USC 380.” What kind of subtle transmission are they trying to send? — Bob Davidson, the Net

Sponsored
Sponsored

They’re saying, as discreetly as possible, that if you stick the Olympic five-ring symbol or the word “Olympic/s” on some cheesy T-shirts without asking them first, they’ll sue you cross-eyed, take everything you own right down to your boxers, and leave you and your closest relatives out on the street without a dime or any hope of ever having a dime. Their lawyers will hunt you down like a dog.

What looks like a lopsided basketball score (Short People’s Junior College 36, USC 380) is actually the legal designation for the federal Amateur Sports Act, which gives the U.S. Olympic Committee the right to sue if it detects the stench of trademark infringement. Although 36 USC 380 is a bastard child of the 1984 Lanham trademark-protection act, it allows the mighty USOC to ignore certain provisions of Lanham; f rinstance, the committee is not required to prove the infringement will create confusion in the public’s mind with the international Olympic games. This leaves the USOC free to sue small-town fundraisers who sponsor events like the Doggie Olympics or the Cow Chip Throwing Olympics as well as big-time purveyors of counterfeit goods. The USOC uses its power selectively. It approves of the names “Special Olympics” and “Police Olympics” but hauled San Francisco’s Gay Olympics into court under 36 USC 380. The USOC won a judicial gold medal in that case and another on appeal. This behavior should be no surprise, coming from the organization that fielded basketball’s “dream team,” that Billionaire Boys Club, under the aegis of amateur competition. Make that Bolivia 36, USA 380.

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