Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

Wear a lampshade when playing chess

Geniuses and their exploding brains

Matmail: Just received this urgent e-mail. “Doctors are blaming a rare electrical imbalance in the brain for the bizarre death of a chess player whose head literally exploded in the middle of a championship game. No one else was hurt, but four players and three officials at the Moscow Candidate Masters’ Chess Championships were sprayed with blood and brain matter when Nickolai Titov’s head suddenly blew apart. Experts say he suffered from a condition called Hyper-Cerebral Electrosis or HCE. ‘He was deep in concentration with his eyes focused on the board. All of a sudden his hands flew to his temples and he screamed in pain.... Then, as if someone had put a bomb in his cranium, his head popped like a firecracker, ’ said his opponent.... Five people are known to have died of HCE in the last 25 years, including European psychic Barbara Nicole, whose death was reported in newspapers around the world....

“Said Dr. Anatoly Martinenko, ‘It is a condition in which the circuits of the brain become overloaded by the body’s own electricity. The explosions happen during periods of intense mental activity, when lots of current is surging through the brain. Victims are highly intelligent people with great powers of concentration. It could be said, they are too smart for their own good. ’ The doctor urges people to take it easy and not think too hard for long periods of time....” — WhatTheHeck?DotCom

Sponsored
Sponsored

I immediately gave the research elves the week off so they could check their circuit breakers and soothe their little domes in ice-water baths. Grandma Alice has revved up the Ouija board. She’s trying to contact Ms. Nicole for confirmation and all the grisly details. Personally, I contend you can’t channel somebody, even a psychic, whose head has exploded, but Grandma’s determined. I’ve perused Dr. Martinenko’s list of the seven warning signs of HCE (Does your head ache, do your ears ring when you think too hard? Do you overuse your brain?). Certainly no health menace for you Alicelanders. Chronic oversleeping is the best preventive regimen.

Does the sender of this bulletin want facts? It seems a shame to spoil the story. The article appeared in the Weekly World News about four years ago, datelined Moscow. Since then it’s circulated through the office fax/e-mail network in one form or another. The roots of nonsense are always hard to trace, especially four-year-old nonsense. But this seems to have been a droll Russian chess players’ joke — a spoof of all the apparent brainpower and concentration it takes to play the game at tournament levels. And they knocked the story together plausibly enough for one or two folks to actually believe it. The Weekly World News loves stuff like this. If the brain could generate that kind of wattage, we would have our energy problem solved. Your next dinner party could be lighted by a dozen dueling chess masters wearing lampshades, with light bulbs in their ears.

The latest copy of the Reader

Please enjoy this clickable Reader flipbook. Linked text and ads are flash-highlighted in blue for your convenience. To enhance your viewing, please open full screen mode by clicking the icon on the far right of the black flipbook toolbar.

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

The vicious cycle of Escondido's abandoned buildings

City staff blames owners for raising rents
Next Article

The Fellini of Clairemont High

When gang showers were standard for gym class

Matmail: Just received this urgent e-mail. “Doctors are blaming a rare electrical imbalance in the brain for the bizarre death of a chess player whose head literally exploded in the middle of a championship game. No one else was hurt, but four players and three officials at the Moscow Candidate Masters’ Chess Championships were sprayed with blood and brain matter when Nickolai Titov’s head suddenly blew apart. Experts say he suffered from a condition called Hyper-Cerebral Electrosis or HCE. ‘He was deep in concentration with his eyes focused on the board. All of a sudden his hands flew to his temples and he screamed in pain.... Then, as if someone had put a bomb in his cranium, his head popped like a firecracker, ’ said his opponent.... Five people are known to have died of HCE in the last 25 years, including European psychic Barbara Nicole, whose death was reported in newspapers around the world....

“Said Dr. Anatoly Martinenko, ‘It is a condition in which the circuits of the brain become overloaded by the body’s own electricity. The explosions happen during periods of intense mental activity, when lots of current is surging through the brain. Victims are highly intelligent people with great powers of concentration. It could be said, they are too smart for their own good. ’ The doctor urges people to take it easy and not think too hard for long periods of time....” — WhatTheHeck?DotCom

Sponsored
Sponsored

I immediately gave the research elves the week off so they could check their circuit breakers and soothe their little domes in ice-water baths. Grandma Alice has revved up the Ouija board. She’s trying to contact Ms. Nicole for confirmation and all the grisly details. Personally, I contend you can’t channel somebody, even a psychic, whose head has exploded, but Grandma’s determined. I’ve perused Dr. Martinenko’s list of the seven warning signs of HCE (Does your head ache, do your ears ring when you think too hard? Do you overuse your brain?). Certainly no health menace for you Alicelanders. Chronic oversleeping is the best preventive regimen.

Does the sender of this bulletin want facts? It seems a shame to spoil the story. The article appeared in the Weekly World News about four years ago, datelined Moscow. Since then it’s circulated through the office fax/e-mail network in one form or another. The roots of nonsense are always hard to trace, especially four-year-old nonsense. But this seems to have been a droll Russian chess players’ joke — a spoof of all the apparent brainpower and concentration it takes to play the game at tournament levels. And they knocked the story together plausibly enough for one or two folks to actually believe it. The Weekly World News loves stuff like this. If the brain could generate that kind of wattage, we would have our energy problem solved. Your next dinner party could be lighted by a dozen dueling chess masters wearing lampshades, with light bulbs in their ears.

Comments
Sponsored

The latest copy of the Reader

Please enjoy this clickable Reader flipbook. Linked text and ads are flash-highlighted in blue for your convenience. To enhance your viewing, please open full screen mode by clicking the icon on the far right of the black flipbook toolbar.

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Wild Wild Wets, Todo Mundo, Creepy Creeps, Laura Cantrell, Graham Nancarrow

Rock, Latin reggae, and country music in Little Italy, Oceanside, Carlsbad, Harbor Island
Next Article

Two poems by Marvin Bell

“To Dorothy” and “The Self and the Mulberry”
Comments
Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories Fishing Report — What’s getting hooked from ship and shore From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town The Gonzo Report — Making the musical scene, or at least reporting from it Letters — Our inbox Movies@Home — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Theater — On stage in San Diego this week Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close

Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

This Week’s Reader This Week’s Reader