A handbook on what can go terribly wrong when screenwriters direct. On the basis of one script (the dreary, Oscar-appointed The Imitation Game), Graham Moore was handed the keys to a soundstage where he transformed an original screenplay into the redheaded stepchild of a Fathom Event. From the opening montage on how to cut a suit (check out The Tailor of Panama to see it done right) to an ending that hinges on a wrong number in the middle of the night, everything is as conveniently tendered as the double-edged title: servile clothier Leonard (Mark Rylance, speaking in a manner befitting an Astaire and Rogers butler) not only stitches attire, his shop is a front for a nefarious organization known as the Outfit. Everything in the first half — a cedar chest, Leonard’s prized scissors, his secretary’s (Zoey Deutch) snow-domes — is called back in the second, making it impossible to institute and sustain any elements of surprise. The background goons are from Central Casting and what kind of bereaved Mafioso is going to sit patiently as Leonard rattle off backstory? When originality did rear its head — getting shot is referred to as taking a “marble” — it’s repeated more times than one can say “Argo F yourself.” (2022) — Scott Marks
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