Unaware of her noble lineage, our titular princess is plucked from the convent in which her father placed her and called into service as the royal composer. Her first assignment: a dirge to celebrate the slaughter of the castle mermaid, who just so happens to be her BFF. (The sacrifice of the water nymph promised eternal life to his royal highness.) Add to the promising premise location work at the Palace of Versailles and Pierce Brosnan as King Louis XIV and expectations were set high. Indeed, his morning confessions with priest-for-hire William Hurt never fail to amuse. Knowing nothing about the film before going in, I was startled by both Brosnan’s and Kaya Scodelario’s refusal to age over the past decade or so. Research revealed a film shot in 2014 and shelved for five years until a distributor could be found. Looking to move away from the standard upper-human, bottom fish design for their mermaid, director Sean McNamara and his crew opted to virtually simulate Bingbing Fan’s head atop a purple amoebic mass. It proved to be a bad decision. Shorn of arms, the creature proves to be the proverbial fish that stinks from the computer generated head. (2022) — Scott Marks
This movie is not currently in theaters.