Back we go (kicking and screaming, quite likely), back to those halcyon days of the British Empire, when men were men and women were Oriental: "I want you to be fantastical good," chirrups the half-naked Chinese beauty, feeding aphrodisiacal prawns into the mouth of her master. James Clavell's very fat novel has been steamed down into an emaciated movie (rather than, more fittingly, a flabby TV miniseries), and in the weight-loss process it has gotten too totteringly feeble and babblingly incoherent even to be good sport for mockery. Starring Bryan Brown (with a jaw-breaking Scots burr) and Joan Chen; written by John Briley and Stanley Mann; directed by Daryl Duke. (1986) — Duncan Shepherd
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