Sequel to PC: The Curse of the Black Pearl. And more than just a sequel: Part II of an afterthought trilogy. (It was not a matter of thought, exactly, as much as a matter of calculation.) Johnny Depp's heavily eyeshadowed, thick-tongued pirate got to be something of a tired act before the end of the first one. And a two-and-a-half-hour kiddie film goes against all traditional wisdom and common sense. And the tonnage of costumes, makeup, lighting effects, set decorations, CGI, etc., does not make it go any faster. And lastly, the up-in-the-air, to-be-continued ending is as big a cheat, as enormous an imposition, as that of The Empire Strikes Back or Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, the time-filling middle sections of their respective trilogies. Objectively viewed, the film looks like nothing so much as an ornate collection plate, the size of Australia, to be passed around the Disney congregation. The gathered pile could then be counted on to finance the manufacture of a new plate the size of Antarctica. With Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, Stellan Skarsgard, and Bill Nighy; directed by Gore Verbinski. (2006) — Duncan Shepherd
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