Or: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Abortion. Well, okay, not funny, exactly. But it does involve the world’s handsomest pickpocket (Peter Facinelli) fleeing from the world’s most bumbling future chief of police (Michael Madsen) with the world’s prettiest part-time waitress/pregnant paramour (Jaimie Alexander) in tow, before hiding out in the apartment of his mother’s new boyfriend (Joe Pantoliano). Vincent Gallo also appears as the jerk who makes our hero pick pockets to pay off his dead dad’s debt. A modest film that realizes its modest ambitions. (2012) — Matthew Lickona
This movie is not currently in theaters.