With Eastwood, Stallone, and Schwarzenegger lighting up screens in the ‘90s, one had very little time to devote to the mulletted likes of ancillary action heroes Chuck Norris or Jean-Claude Van Damme. The bar was reset for the latter with the release of JCVD. With one foot extended high over head and tongue firmly planted in cheek, he starred as a broke, out-of-work movie star fighting to gain custody of his young daughter. Thirteen years later, and not much has changed, except this time it’s Archie (Samir Decazza), the son he hasn’t seen in 25 years who believes dad to be dead. JCVD stars as Richard Brumére, the elusive dog of war known as “The Mist.” He’s been out of touch for so long that his first contact with the outside world is via fax. The mistaken identity angle soon tires, as does our star trying to pull a Peter Sellers by disguising himself as everything from a swimming instructor to Archie’s girlfriend. Like the kid who found out that he was adopted from friends in the alley, Archie learns the truth from a slip of a cohort’s numb tongue. Don’t expect pathos to get in the way of this silly action comedy. Only on rare occasions does the rapid pace gridlock: outside the window, the police can’t be more than twenty-paces from the front door, yet it takes them a minute to finally break it down. Had I known to expect such a glorious third act from the star, I’d have paid closer attention to Bloodsport. David Charhon directs. Catch it on Netflix. (2021) — Scott Marks
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