A young boy’s desire for an old-fashioned family Christmas unleashes terror for the holidays. One-third sitcom, two-thirds actors being attacked by toys, elves, and other assorted CG sock puppets, and 100% unwatchable. Not for a second does the viewer fear for any of the characters’ well-being, thanks to director/co-writer Michael Dougherty’s pronounced inability to strike a balance between comedy and horror. Roles are contrived with but one thought in mind: the fat kid eats, Aunt Dorothy (Conchata Ferrell) offends, Toni Colette screams for her paycheck, and Adam Scott is smarmy even when playing a concerned dad. One genuine, eye-bleeding jolt: as the redneck relation, David Koechner appears to have dyed his hair and sideburns with a black Sharpie. Remove the ‘m’ from the title and you’ll find a clue to exactly what the filmmakers spend 90 minutes doing all over the audience. (2015) — Scott Marks
This movie is not currently in theaters.