Or, One More Reason Why the Middle East Hates the West. Back, back, back to the 12th Century, back to before the Third Crusade ("To kill an infidel is not murder, it is the path to heaven"), equipped with cultural relativism, vats of blood, miles of slow-motion, and wave after wave of lung-filling atmosphere, until you're apt to require artificial respiration. Orlando Bloom, as the village blacksmith converted overnight into a knight-errant, and eventually into a proto-humanist, lacks a little something in heroic stature. So we're sorry, early on, to lose the battle-tested Liam Neeson ("I once fought two days with an arrow in my testicle"), and a little later, the metal-masked leper king. The climactic battle for Jerusalem, a three-rounder, is big, long, and inglorious. With Eva Green, Jeremy Irons, David Thewlis, Brendan Gleeson, Marton Csokas; directed by Ridley Scott. (2005) — Duncan Shepherd
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