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And wit's end. Part III is an endurance test for sure, a turbid, turgid, two-and-three-quarter-hour kiddie movie (an added quarter-hour per sequel), which depends upon your memorization of the earlier episodes to help you figure out what the hell is going on. It's enough to drive a man, possibly even …

Sequel to PC: The Curse of the Black Pearl. And more than just a sequel: Part II of an afterthought trilogy. (It was not a matter of thought, exactly, as much as a matter of calculation.) Johnny Depp's heavily eyeshadowed, thick-tongued pirate got to be something of a tired act …

Johnny Depp stumbles, staggers, lurches, leers, preens, pratfalls, and melancholily mugs his way back into the role that made him rich: Captain Jack Sparrow, the poncy pirate. But he’s no longer particularly clever nor particularly funny (“Think Captain Jack is washed up, eh? I’ve not had a wash in years!”), …

Now that the "ride" -- as in "wild ride," "thrill ride," "rollercoaster ride" -- seems to be an accepted film category, if not quite a genre, it makes sense that a film would be modelled after, or at least named after, an actual amusement-park ride. But Pirates -- not the …

Now that the "ride" -- as in "wild ride," "thrill ride," "rollercoaster ride" -- seems to be an accepted film category, if not quite a genre, it makes sense that a film would be modelled after, or at least named after, an actual amusement-park ride. But Pirates -- not the …

Not quite Dumas, but no dummy. The brash new Muskies: Athos (Matthew Macfadyen), Aramis (Luke Evans), Porthos (Ray Stevenson), plus D’Artagnan (Logan Lerman) like a 17th-century mall dude. Add saucy, athletic Milady (Milla Jovovich), haughty Duke of Buckingham (Orlando Bloom), cruel Rochefort (Mads Mikkelsen), and not-very-Catholic Cardinal Richelieu (Christoph Waltz): …

Big (two hours, forty minutes) old-fashioned (not to say ancient) sword-and-sandal epic, complete with the traditional Cast of Thousands (however many of them may nowadays be computer-generated) and the mandatory Wooden Horse, plausible in its physical appearance if implausible in its placement at the foot of a downsloping sandy beach …

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