Throughout history, documentarians have scaled the heights of non-narrative cinema, dedicated to the belief that there was no fact too insignificant nor challenge too great for the curious spectator. Vertov! Flaherty! Jennings! Marker! Wiseman! Akerman! Herzog!. When the time came for these trailblazers to put their insight and veracity to the test, they apportioned their artistry as if through a disembodied eye. No more, Moore. You’re finished, Dinesh. Now there’s Absolute Proof. It’s time we tack a new wing onto the Pantheon of Kino-Pravda to accommodate this generation’s premier pillowhead provocateur, Mike Lindell. Technically, it’s everything you’ve dreamed of and less, the red-headed stepchild of cable access TV that can’t even manage to properly chyron their guest bunk-spreader’s name. (That’s Col. Phil Waldron, not Phi.) Three cameras and still it doesn’t cut together. (At one point, a hand enters the frame to hand Mike a note.) Time after time, the testimony leaves him staggered. Listen as Mike gasps, “WOW!” more times than a nine-year-old cracking the pages of Playboy for the first time. Forgive the redundancy, but this makes Al Gore’s An Inconvenient Truth look like a Learning Annex monologue. Here’s what you need to know: a “foreign element,” if you catch my drift, hacked into Uncle Sam’s voting machines in what can only be described as the biggest cyber attack in history. Don’t believe me? Mike has the timestamp to prove it! He speaks in terms of miracles ahead that will somehow unrig the election in his guy’s favor. After all, it wasn't MAGA supporters who staged the coup, but a bunch of commie punks and “domestic terrorists.” Charts, graphs, and other assorted PowerPoint wizardry are called into the service of miracles and conjecture presented as fact. “We’ve got pretty much documented communist Chinese party ownership of the private equity firm whose board controls Dominion (Voting Systems).” Some pillows are best left unturned. The company has since sued Mike for defamation and is seeking in excess of $1.3 billion in damages. Seldom has conjecture sounded so full of shit as one talking head after another comes to Mike’s defense. Cyber forensicist Russ Ramsland assures us that the electronic voting system is compromised, but he never says how. He expresses horror at the ease with which overseas servers can be placed at risk. Got proof? Of course not! But it did earn him a pair of “WOWS!” Then there’s in-studio guest, Dr. Shiva. No last names, please. (Either that, or Mike couldn’t for the life of him pronounce “Ayyadurai.”) He’s introduced as “the creator of email,” a handle that was so quickly debunked with a cursory Google pitstop it tainted his every word. This isn’t a documentary so much as it is a job application. Minnesota Mike firmly believes that the road to success is paved with 45’s base. Keep the blarney alive, and the minions of a twice-impeached one-term former President just might miraculously reward him with a seat behind the Governor's desk. 1.75 L of 80 proof Absolut might help you get through it, but why waste the buzz? At 120 minutes, you’ll be looking to put a pillow over your head, anything for a distraction. For the best night’s sleep in the whole wide world, download it tonight! (2021) — Scott Marks
Rated NR | 2.0 hours
