Angels. Demons. Vampires. Werewolves. Witches. Warlocks. Monks. Goths. Rune tattoos. Tarot. Love triangles. The Chosen One. Twilight. Star Wars. The Matrix. Underworld. Men in Black. Hunters who get their power from angel blood even as they proclaim the equality of all religions. Armories under church altars. Closeted gays. Mommy issues. Daddy issues. Sibling issues. Interdimensional portals. Repressed memories. Magic geegaws. Secret societies sworn to protect humanity in an unseen war against evil. J.S. Bach. Sprinklers ignited by passion. Bad poetry. Did I leave anything out? The movie sure didn't. Overstuffed, overlong, overcomplicated, and ludicrous. With Lilly Collins. (2013) — Matthew Lickona
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